


Flames Of Vengeance

by Arithese



Series: Flame Is Burning [2]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blood, Brotherly Love, Gen, Kidnapping, PTSD, Scars, Torture, Whump, somewhat happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2019-07-24 20:19:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 45,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16182449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arithese/pseuds/Arithese
Summary: 6 weeks after being captured and tortured by the Shredder, Mikey is still healing. One night, when Mikey goes topside with his brothers, things go horribly wrong, and Mikey is captured again together with Raph. Will Mikey completely break down or can Raph keep his little brother sane until they are rescued?





	1. Chapter 1

A terrible scream escaped Mikey's lips as he sat straight up in his bed. Sweat was trickling down his forehead and his body felt cold. He was shivering and his heart was beating viciously under his hand, which was firmly pressed against his plastron.

His eyes were wide open, heaving from the nightmare he just had. He was trembling in his bed and after a few seconds the first tears started to form in his eyes. It looked so real, just like every time it was so real.

Like he was really back with the Shredder and still in the chair. He would relive everything he had done to him, burning him, stabbing him, electrocuting, and every night he heard his voice against speaking to him, whispering in his ears.

"Mikey?" Mikey's head shot up upon hearing the voice of his older brother. Slowly the door opened and Mikey cringed slightly. He blinked a few times when the faint light of the hall entered his room. Donnie was standing there, his mask hastily tied around his head.

Mikey found himself frozen in place, he had done it again. So many times he had vowed not to bother his brothers, or father but every time he seemed to fail, and he would wake up screaming again.

"You had them again didn't you?" Donnie whispered and walked inside of the door, turning on the lights. Mikey could only nod before tears began to stream down his face. Donnie didn't say anything and just wrapped his arms around Mikey's shivering body.

They didn't need words to know what happened. It was all familiar these last 6 weeks. Mikey had woken up with a nightmare almost every day the first weeks. Every day he would be covered in sweat and trembling, screaming and trashing like he was back with the Shredder.

Over the last weeks it became less but he was still haunted by the nightmares every day, and every night. Mikey simply buried his face in the crook in Donnie's shoulder and cried, cried like he would always do after a nightmare like this.

"It's okay, you're safe otouto" Donnie whispered and rubbed the back of Mikey's head slightly, trying to calm him down. Eventually Mikey stopped shaking in Donnie's arms and completely fell into his hold. The purple banded turtle smiled slightly and pulled Mikey out of the hug.

Mikey's cheeks were stained with tears and his eyes were red and slightly swollen. Donnie wiped Mikey's tears away which were still lingering on his cheeks and gave him a small smile, which Mikey luckily returned.

"You wanna talk about it?" Donnie whispered and shifted slightly on the bed, studying his little brother closely. He had changed so much while he was with the Shredder and yet he didn't. He was still the happy and fun turtle but he was scarred inside, broken and scared.

"Nothing n-new" Mikey whispered and looked away, slightly ashamed. Donnie just wrapped his arms around Mikey again and kissed his temple. Mikey had been having the same nightmare over and over again so Donnie didn't need to push, and he knew it wouldn't be good to do either.

"I'm s-sorry I woke you up" Mikey whispered after a few seconds and pulled out of the hug himself, drying his tears. Donnie shrugged and rubbed Mikey's head playfully.

"Don't worry about it, I was going to get some coffee anyways" Donnie assured him and carefully pushed Mikey on the bed again. "You should get some more sleep, practice is in an hour, you can still rest for a bit" Donnie said and wanted to tug Mikey in but Mikey refused to.

"I won't be able to sleep anyways" Mikey sighed and flipped his legs over the edge of the bed. Mikey winced slightly when his feet touched the cold ground but stood up anyways.

"If you insist" Donnie grinned as Mikey walked over to the small mirror in his room to tie his mask around his head. Donnie watched Mikey closely as he walked, it had only been a few days since his ankle was 'officially' healed so Donnie kept a close eye on it.

Mikey stopped for a few seconds and looked at his reflection, trailing his fingers over the two long slashes around his right eye. They had healed well over the last weeks but they weren't completely healed yet, and they would never be. And there would always be scars, all over his body.

The large slash on his left arm was now a swollen scar, which would never fade either. The burns were still visible but they weren't as clear as the other scars, and you could barely see them. The bruises and small cuts were faded completely.

"Come on" Donnie said and rested a hand on Mikey's shoulder. Mikey looked over to his older brother and nodded, tying his mask around his head. He trailed his fingers along the slashes for the last time before following Donnie out of his room.

TMNT

"Hey Mikey" Leo greeted his little brother as he walked towards the kitchen 30 minutes later. Mikey shrugged slightly and stared down at his cup of tea. His hands were firmly sealed along the glass, just enjoying the warmth it was giving him.

Leo frowned slightly and looked up to Donnie, giving him a confused look. Donnie closed his eyes slightly and shook his head, and only that was enough for Leo to know Mikey had another nightmare again. Leo sighed and walked over to Mikey, wrapping his arms around his little brother.

"Don't worry about it Mikey" Leo whispered and gave him a quick kiss on his head, assuring him before looking over to Donnie. "I'll inform Sensei" He said to Donnie before walking towards the dojo, giving Mikey one last look, but his baby brother wasn't acknowledging him.

Ever since Mikey started to have nightmares after being kidnapped and tortured by the Shredder he had talked to his father about it, and they had decided that every time Mikey would get a nightmare again he had to talk about it.

"Do I have to talk about it?" Mikey whispered after Leo had disappeared, still looking down to his cup of tea. Donnie sighed and walked over to Mikey, sitting down next to him, patting his shell slightly.

"Yes, it's better Mikey, it will help you to conquer them and you know that" Donnie reasoned and watched his little brother closely. Slowly his baby blue eyes trailed towards Donnie's eyes.

"Why am I still having them Donnie? It has been 6 weeks already" Mikey stated in defeat. He hated how he was still healing. The physical wounds were completely healed, the scars were still there of course but he was healed, but his emotional state was different.

"Nobody expects you to be healed yet Mikey, you've experienced something… horrible" Donnie said and bit his lip slightly. "Give it more time, you'll heal, I'm sure." Donnie added but Mikey didn't seem very convinced.

"I'm just sick of being a burden to you all, I keep waking you up, I even need special training because I'm too scared to face you all" Mikey exclaimed and bailed his fists. Donnie carefully took Mikey's hands into his own and rubbed them comfortably.

"You are not a burden Mikey, you will never be. I don't mind you waking me up, none of us do. It was our fault we didn't rescue you sooner" Donnie said. Mikey wanted to protest but Donnie was first. "Besides I was already awake so stop worrying okay?" Donnie added and grinned slightly.

"B-But the needles you have to waste, and the medical equipment you have wasted already and…." Mikey tried to reason but Donnie slapped his hand on top of Mikey's mouth, shutting him off.

"Doesn't matter Mikey, and you didn't waste them, you needed them and we used them, and it was our fault you had to use it, got it?" Donnie reasoned and released his hand from Mikey's mouth. The freckled turtle nodded slightly, indicating he understood.

"Good, now let's get you some breakfast, and then we can play a game, okay?" Donnie offered. Mikey seemed to think for a moment before lifting his head and nodded towards his older brother, a faint grin appearing on his face.

Donnie chuckled and stood up, walking over to the kitchen to get Mikey some food. Mikey sighed and walked over the couch already, sitting down on it. Donnie kept a close on Mikey while he grabbed a clean needle and a sack of food.

"Can we just watch a movie instead?" Mikey asked when Don approached him, sitting down next to him. Mikey immediately held out his wrist and Donnie began to rub it with alcohol. Donnie looked up for a bit, catching Mikey's eyes.

"Your choice" Donnie offered but decided not to press it any further. He knew Mikey mostly didn't want to do anything after a nightmare, most of the times he would just lie in his bed, blankly staring ahead and thinking, his brothers were the only reason he was moving around the lair more.

Mikey didn't say anything and looked away as Donnie pierced his skin, inserting the needle. He attached it to the sack of food and hang it on the IV stand. Donnie secured it with a tape and then released Mikey's wrist.

"Thanks" Mikey muttered and drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and resting his chin on top of his knees. Donnie climbed fully on the couch too, until his shoulder hit Mikey's shoulder.

"Was it the same nightmare?" Donnie whispered as he looked over to Mikey. His younger brother was just blankly staring ahead but you could clearly see the hurt that was written in his eyes. He was scared and shocked, even after all this time.

Mikey swallowed thickly but shook his head. Donnie sighed, he could've guessed Mikey would answer like that. Everyone was aware of the nightmares he had the past 6 weeks, but no one knew what they were about, they could guess of course, and they knew it had to be something with his captivity, but the rest they didn't know.

Mikey only told Sensei about them, with their private session, and his brothers respected his privacy so they wouldn't be eavesdropping on him or anything. Mikey had to tell them once he was ready, and obviously that wasn't today.

"Donnie?" Mikey whispered after a few silent seconds. "Do you think…. I can go topside with you tonight?" He asked when Donnie looked towards him. Donnie gulped slightly and looked to Mikey's hopeful eyes.

"Mikey, you sure? You know he is still out there and you aren't healed yet" Donnie tried to reason. He didn't like the idea of his little brother going topside, there were so many things that could go wrong, the Shredder, the foot, mutants, Kraang. And Mikey couldn't defend himself yet. He couldn't even face his brothers.

"I've already been topside twice Don, I can do this, I'm sick of being stuck in the lair" Mikey said in a low voice. Donnie sighed slightly, it was all true what Mikey told him, but yet he wasn't comfortable with the idea of bringing Mikey topside.

"I don't know Mikey, I don't want you to get hurt" Donnie said and dropped his eyes on the IV tube. One of the signs that Mikey wasn't healed yet. But he was recovering. His wounds healed, and his emotional health grew immense.

But the nightmares and eating was still a problem. Although he improved much on both, they weren't like they were before. He could eat some light meals, but the important nutrients he needed had to be fed through an IV.

"Donnie, I won't get hurt, please let me go with you" Mikey pleaded, flashing his brilliant puppy eyes. Donnie grunted, there was no way he could ignore those beautiful baby blue eyes of his little brother.

"You should ask Leo, I'm not the leader remember?" Donnie said, not wanting to disappoint Mikey, but at the same time he wanted his little brother to be save. He knew how badly Mikey wanted to go topside, but he also knew how scared he was.

"Ask what?" Leo asked, walking out of the dojo, Raph following behind. Leo smirked slightly when he saw Mikey using his usual puppy eyes technique. It was still working with Donnie and Raph, but Mikey couldn't fool him.

"If I could go out tonight, with you guys" Mikey answered in a low tone, looking towards Leo and Raph. The smirk from Leo's face fell and turned into a frown. Raph sighed and sat down next to Mikey on the couch, nudging him close.

"You know it's too dangerous Mikey, we can't take the risk" Leo objected, shaking his head. He knew Mikey wanted this, and somehow Leo wanted it too, he wanted to make Mikey happy, but he would rather protect him, and that meant keeping him down until he was healed.

"Please Leo, I'll be careful, and I'll stay with you guys" Mikey said and tried his puppy eyes but Leo shook his head again. "Leo you can't keep me down here forever" Mikey whined, looking over to Leo. Raph sighed next to him and wrapped his arm around Mikey.

"Fearless only wants to protect ya Mikey, you know that. We don't want ya gettin' hurt" Raph explained as he carefully pushed Mikey's head on top of his shoulder. Mikey snorted slightly but allowed Raph to direct him, resting his head on Raph's shoulder.

"I know Raph" Mikey said but looked up to Leo again. "Please Leo, I know you are trying to protect me… but you can't keep me down here for the rest of my life, I want to go out, tonight" Mikey continued. Leo seemed to doubt for a moment, frowning slightly before his face relaxed slightly.

"You may" Leo said after a few minutes. A grin spread among Mikey face and he peeked up slightly. "But just this time, and you have to stay with us all the time…. And you have to talk to Master Splinter right now about your nightmare, and that's a final" Leo stated.

Mikey chuckled and could just restrain himself from jumping up, to hug Leo, and mangling his IV. Though he wasn't happy with talking about his dream, and obviously Leo saw this. He walked over to Mikey, kneeling down in front of him.

"I know you don't like talking about it, but you have to Mikey, it will be better" Leo whispered. Mikey shrugged slightly and flashed a grin, taking Leo's hand.

"Don't worry about me, what could possibly go wrong?" He grinned. Leo chuckled and rubbed Mikey's hand with his thumb. Both not aware of the things that could actually go wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

"My son, are you sure about this?" Splinter said, resting a hand on Leo's shoulder. The blue banded leader sighed and turned around, facing his father. A flash of uncertainty washed over Leo, and Splinter saw it.

"No sensei, not at all" Leo answered honestly as he looked away slightly. "I want Mikey to be happy again, and if that means going topside I want to allow him, but at the same time I want to protect him" Leo explained, frowning slightly.

"I understand your burden Leonardo' Sensei said. "I have the same thing every night I'm letting you go" He said, looking into his son's eyes. Leonardo was still so young, and at the same time responsibility was written all over his face.

"You've grown so much these 15 years Leonardo, and you've become a true leader. I am sure you will make the right decision" He said with a nod. Leo bit his lip slightly, looking outside the dojo, where laughter came from.

Despite the nightmare he had Mikey was laughing again, and practically joking around like he would always do, but even though Leo knew better. And that beneath the smile was a scarred little child, who wasn't ready to go up yet.

"What do you think?" Leo suddenly asked, his voice deadly quiet. The laughter in de kitchen continued, and Leo began to doubt more every second. He didn't want it to end, they worked so hard on making Mikey like himself again, there was no way he was throwing that all away.

"My choices do not matter Leonardo" He said, walking past Leo and towards the living room to meet his sons. "But, you cannot hold Michelangelo down forever, he is going to explore one day or another, and you should be with him when he does"

"Hai Sensei" Leo sighed and followed his father outside the dojo, where his little brother was already happily greeting him, clearly excited with going topside again. And Leo knew there was no way of denying Mikey that.

They had only brought him topside 2 times, and every time they weren't really patrolling, just staying in the shadows and close to the manhole. And right now he was just so hyped to go topside, Leo couldn't forbid him that, if that's what he wanted.

"Michelangelo, you should stay with your brothers any time, whatever happens, understood?" Splinter said sternly, looking over to his youngest son. Mikey looked up with a slightly serious face and nodded fiercely.

"I know, stay with my brothers, don't make any loud noises and stay hidden." Mikey said, repeating Sensei's words, having heard them over and over again the whole day. Splinter sighed and shook his head, placing a hand on Michelangelo's shoulder.

"Be safe my son" he said, taking Michelangelo into a hug. "I love you Michelangelo" He whispered in his ear. He had complete faith in his sons, but for some reason something was bothering him, and he had no idea why.

"I love you too dad" He whispered and whipped his head around. His brothers were already waiting for him at the entrance, ready to go. "Bye dad" He exclaimed as he ran over to his brothers. And if you asked any other, they would never say his youngest was ever captured.

But just like Leo, Splinter knew better, he knew that beneath all those smiles and jokes, even though all of them were real, was a scared little boy. Who was still struggling with his own nightmares and the urge to do harm to himself.

TMNT

"I can't believe I have been down that long" Mikey whispered in satisfaction as he pointed his snout into the air, enjoying the wind tickling along his nose. The last time he had gone up to the surface was 2 weeks ago, when his wounds were still healing.

"Well, we missed you too Mikey" Donnie grinned, looking over to his little brother next to him, who was happily swinging his legs over the edge of the roof. Since Mikey was joining them tonight, Leo had decided not to go on a real patrol.

Instead they decided to run around a little, and make sure to stay out of sight too much, and just enjoy the night for the time being. And of course Mikey would want to stop to enjoy the view. Mikey always loved the view of the city at night, but right he had missed it for 2 weeks already.

"I see someone's enjoying the view?" Leo smirked, as he looked towards Mikey too. Raph and Leo were leaning against the water tower, closely watching Mikey and Donnie , making sure Mikey wouldn't do something reckless, or someone would attack.

Instead of a normal reply Mikey just grinned towards them, nodding eagerly and returning towards his view. The whole city was lightened up, different colors and lights filling the dark air.

Leo sighed and stepped forwards, ready to walk towards his younger brothers. It had already been several hours since they were above the surface, so maybe it was better to return. But he was stopped when a cold feeling spread shot up his spine.

He stiffened and almost grabbed his swords, ready to draw them if necessary but he stopped himself. His eyes narrowed and he scanned the area, trying not to look suspicious. He knew someone was watching, he could feel it.

"Guys, can you come over here for a second?" Leo said through his teeth, still trying to sound normal. Mikey turned around and frowned, already opening his mouth to protest, but once he saw the look on Leo's face he paled, he knew exactly what was going on.

He forced himself to take some deep breaths and unintentionally grabbed Donnie's hand, slowly standing up. Raph joined Leo and seconds later Donnie and Mikey did too, standing close to each other in case something happened.

"Isn't that cute?" a familiar voice smirked. Mikey's eyes widened and he crept behind Donnie's shell, grabbing the edges roughly. His brothers looked towards the place the sound came from, but found nothing, only emptiness.

"D-Donnie….. " Mikey said, his whole body trembling as foot soldiers slowly encircled them. "G-get me out of h-here" His hand grabbed Donnie's shell even tighter, almost painfully but Donnie didn't care. He gritted his teeth and grabbed his bo-staff, ready to defend his little brother.

"Donnie, run with Mikey and don't turn back, we'll hold them off" Leo whispered, so only they would hear it before drawing his own swords. Raph drew his own weapons but none of them charged in yet.

"I must say, I'm impressed little one" Fish face smirked, jumping down and landing in front of his army of foot bots. "You managed to avoid us so long, but not anymore" He declared, signing for his footbots to attack. Immediately Raph and Leo charged in too, giving Donnie and Mikey to run.

Donnie grabbed Mikey hand, while holding his bo-staff with the other and ran as fast as he could. "Mikey, stay where you are!" Donnie exclaimed as they were stopped by more foot bots. Donnie entangled his hand from Mikey's and charged in on the foot bots.

From the corner of his eye he could see Mikey trembling like shell, probably petrified by the attack, he couldn't even face his brother and right now they were ambushed by dozens of enemies. And no matter what, Donnie would do anything to keep his little brother safe.

Sweat was trickling down his forehead as he did another step backwards. There were too many, just too many to defeat. He growled, wiping another few foot bots away but more came. From the corner of his eye he saw Mikey.

His nun-chucks were in his hands but he couldn't muster the energy to move them, frozen in place and only moving when Donnie moved backwards so they wouldn't collide. He was trembling, shivers wracking through his body and his eyes wide with fear.

TMNT

"We don't have time for this Fish face!" Leo yelled as he swung his katana into more footbots, kicking another one in its head. The fish mutant just smirked and charged in on Raph, trying to bite him with his giant fangs.

"That's a pity Leonardo, cause I'm not leaving without the orange one" He announced, trying to bite Raph another time, barely missing his arm. "He will be taken to master Shredder again, he will be easy to break anyways" Fish face continued, sending a strong kick to Raph's plastron.

"You will not harm my brother, am I clear?" Leo growled, kicking Fish face away from his hot-headed brother, only to be immediately ambushed by 4 more footbots. Fish face merely smirked as he stood up, looking over to Raph and Leo.

"Did I struck a nerve?" He teased, watching the angry faces of the two brothers. "I will tear him apart, drive him insane until he just kills himself, after he reveals the location of your lair of course" He smirked, and that's when Leo charged in on him, with a loud yell and katana raised.

The blow never came and instead Leo felt the knife Fish face was carrying disappearing in his shoulder. The skin protesting as it slowly broke and the knife entered his body. He gasped as pain shot down his spine and he fell to the ground, clutching his hand over the wound, where the knife was still located.

"Leo!" Raph yelled and ran to his brother, dragging him backwards slightly to get out of range, but he knew that was useless. Leo's face was contracted with pain as his hand twisted along the handle of the knife, blood oozing through his fingers.

"Better next time" Fish face grinned, looking over to the 2 approaching turtles. Mikey was still closely behind Donnie, and they were nearing every second, unable to hold their ground. And before Leo or Raph could protest Fish face was gone.

An icy scream tore from Mikey's throat as he was grabbed by his shell. His nun-chucks fell to the ground and he was thrown into the group of foot bots, who each took an arm, making it impossible for him to run anywhere.

"NO! Stay away fr-…" Donnie yelled but was cut off by a strong kick in his plastron, and he was sent right into Leo and Raph, landing with an agonizing thud. Leo let out a pained groan and remained unmoving on his knees, glaring towards Fish face, until his face locked into Mikey's scared face.

"Help…"Mikey screamed before a gag was forced on top of his mouth, while his arms and legs were bound together with thick ropes. Donnie was holding his plastron painfully, and was unable to little brother as they dragged him away.

"Sayōnara turtles" Fish face grinned as half of the foot bots disappeared with Mikey. Donnie and Leo were heaving and struggling to get up but were unable to do so from their injuries, but Raph wasn't injured.

"Fish face!" He roared, standing up. "Nobody. And I mean nobody takes ma brother away. DON'T RUN AWAY YOU COWARDS." He roared as Fish face jumped down the alley and he grabbed his weapons again, ready to charge in but was stopped when a bloody hand touched his arm, Leo.

"You can't Raph, you can't win" Leo insisted, hurt written all over his face. Hurt for his wound, but more importantly for his little brother who was now in the hands of the Shredder again. Raph growled, ripping his arm away from Leo.

"I failed him once, I'm not failing him again" He growled and grabbed his sais. And before Leo could protest Raph was already running towards the edge. Down the alley was Fish face, grinning towards Mikey. Tears were leaking down Mikey's face and his arms and legs were bound together.

"You bastard!" Raph roared and jumped towards Fish face, trying to land a blow on his enemy but he was blinded with rage, too focused on the anger he felt towards Fish face.

And within seconds he was down on the ground, the strong metallic leg on top of his plastron. "Master Shredder precisely asked for the orange one, but I have had enough of you" Fish face said, narrowing his eyes.

Raph struggled as the foot bots tied his hands and feet too. He could hear the choked sobs of Mikey next to him and he hated it. The leg pressed down harder but Raph was unable to struggle, restrained by thick ropes which cut into his skin.

"Just shut him up already" Fish face growled, glancing over to the sobbing turtle. Mikey's eyes widened when his gag was removed, he wanted to scream for help but before he could do so another cloth was replaced.

He inhaled from the shock and was too late to notice the sleeping gas drenched into the cloth. He nudged his bounds one last time before falling unconscious into soldiers' arms. His eyes closed while tears continued to stream down his face.

"You!" Raph growled, trying to push Fish Face off with all his strength. "YOU BASTARD" He yelled and spit right into Fish face. The mutant fish merely narrowed his eyes dangerously and lifted his leg off Raph's plastron.

And before he knew, the leg connected with his head, hard. He gasped out loud before being forced into the dark, and falling unconscious. And the last thing he knew was him and Mikey being flung over a shoulder and taken away.


	3. Chapter 3

His head was throbbing, a terrible headache plaguing him. His body felt cold, way too cold for his liking and his muscles felt sore and stiff. A low groan escaped his mouth and he fluttered his eyes open, immediately closing them as his head began to pound viciously again.

He groaned again, rolling over to his plastron and burying his face in his arms, shielding himself from the light. The floor was hard and cold, sending shivers down his spine but he ignored it, just focusing on getting rid of the painful throbbing in his head.

Slowly the pain subsided and he slowly opened his eyes again. As expected he was lying on a stone and cold floor. He slowly brought himself up, leaning tiredly against the wall and closing his eyes again as a dull headache began to form in his head again.

For a second he wondered where he was and how he got here, but then realization hit him. The fight, Fish Face, Mikey being captured again. Which meant, he was captured too.

His eyes flew open but he closed them immediately after that, pain shooting right through his skull again. He groaned again and leaned his head against the cold wall. Probably a head rush, so no sudden movements. Raph thought to himself.

Slowly he began to lift his arms and smirked slightly when he found they weren't restrained or anything. Hit ankles were different as he soon recognized the thick and heavy chains attached to them. They were tightly secured to his ankles, limiting his movement.

As the pain slowly went away he dared to open his eyes again, slowly this time. He immediately recognized Shredder's dungeon, and the room where they rescued Mikey 6 weeks ago. He groaned again, scanning the room.

He was sitting against the wall, on his left the door of the cell, which was of course locked, and on the opposite side was Mikey. The same chains around his feet and rocking back and forth. His knees were drawn to his chest, with his arms wrapped around them, and his eyes were wide open.

"Mikey" Raph whispered and stood up slowly, avoiding another head rush as he slowly made his way over to Mikey, testing the length of the chains but found out they were too short to reach Mikey.

"Mikey c'mere" Raph said in a low voice when Mikey just kept staring at him. Tears were leaking down his face and his body was shaking as he stood up, crawling towards Raph too. Mikey practically fell into Raph hold.

His face towards Raph's plastron and taking Raph's left hand with both his hands, while Raph's other arm wrapped around his shell. Raph planted his chin on top of Mikey's head while drawing his little brother closer to his body.

Sobs were wracking through Mikey's body as he buried his face in Raph's hold, squeezing Raph's hand at the same time, but Raph didn't care.

"P-please R-Raph" Mikey suddenly whispered, his voice quivering. "G-get me o-out. … I-i…. d-don't want t-to be here" He sobbed, his body shivering even in Raph's tight hold. Raph could feel his stomach tightening, his little brother was beyond terrified. Even worse than any nightmare he had suffered from.

"I can't Mikey" Raph whispered, pressing his little brother closer. "But I'll do anything I can to keep you safe, and I'm sure Leo and Donnie are looking for you right now" He stated, and he knew they were. He barely slept when Mikey had been captured, and he was sure Leo and Donnie couldn't sleep either.

And while they couldn't do anything besides waiting for another video from the Shredder, they knew where to look, they already knew this place, Raph just hoped they would think about looking here.

"What a touchy reunion" Shredder beamed as the door was opened. Raph opened his mouth but before he could do anything electricity surged through his whole body. He screamed in agony and fell to the ground, panting heavily.

"Try anything funny and I'll electrocute your little brother Raphael!" Shredder spat and showed Raph the small device he had used just seconds ago. Raph growled as he was helped up by his little brother. He knew what was going on, their chains were connected to that device, and if Raph would fight back, Mikey would pay.

"What do you want?!" Raph growled, wrapping his arms around Mikey's shivering body, not daring to look him into the eyes. Shredder grinned and walked up to Raph and Mikey, knowing Raph wouldn't try anything now Shredder could hurt his little brother, and Mikey was too afraid to move.

"I want the location of your so called father" He smirked, tipping Mikey's chin slightly so he was forced to look at him. "But I'm sure this little one knows what I'm talking about" He grinned, looking directly into Mikey's eyes.

Raph growled but knew he couldn't attack Shredder, or his little brother would get shocked, and there was no way he could run away with his little brother if he would attack shredder, they were shackled and Shredder knew it too.

"We won't tell Shredder" Raph growled, wrapping his arms tighter around Mikey's fragile body. So many nights Raph had comforted his little brother, when he would wake up from another nightmare, but never would he shake this badly.

"I wasn't expecting an answer just yet" Shredder smirked, trailing his hand along Mikey's chin, down the large scar on his right arm. "But I have my ways" He added with a smirk, grabbing Mikey's left wrist, the ones with the cuts.

"I can't remember giving you these" Shredder said coldly, trailing them along the cuts. Raph growled as Mikey merely whimpered, burying his face in Raph's plastron. He couldn't do anything, Mikey was too afraid to resist and Raph was unable to do anything, or Mikey would get shocked.

"I see, you did those yourself" Shredder smirked, kneeling down in front of him and viciously grabbing his cheeks, forcing Mikey to look at him. Mikey whimpered again, struggling to get out of Shredder's hold but failed miserably.

His fingers dug into Raph's arms until it was painful but Raph didn't care, said nothing and just held Mikey. Trying to give him some assurance. The only thing he could do for now, if he wanted to protect his little brother.

"Couldn't handle the nightmares? The pressure?" Shredder continued, narrowing his eyes slightly. "I will be haunting you forever, you will never get out of here alive But if you tell the location of your father, I promise your end will be swift and painless" He said, glancing over to Raphael.

"Never" Raph hissed, showing his teeth dangerously like a caged animal. Shredder snorted and stood up, walking towards the cell door again.

"Have it your way" He said and opened the door. "Enjoy your time together, I will be back soon, and then the real fun will begin" He smirked before the cell door closed and it was locked, leaving Mikey and Raph alone in the cold cell.

Immediately Mikey burst into more tears, clinging and holding Raph like his life depended on it. And Raph allowed it. Hugged him back, drew him closer, anything to assure and protect him.

The movement in Mikey's chest became more rapid every second that passed, the wheezing sound increasing with every breath. And every breath he was heaving more and more until chocked sobs escaped his throat.

Slowly Mikey began to shiver in his hold and his hand went up to his chest, clawing at it and gritting his teeth while the other hand was now painfully digging into Raph's flesh, drawing a bit of blood. And slowly he began to struggle in Raph's hold, trying to break free.

"Mikey slow down!" Raph called out, tightening his grip even more but Mikey kept struggling. "Shell Mikey, yer having a panic attack!" Raph suddenly yelled, recognizing the symptoms. Mikey had them a few times in the last 6 weeks but they were never this violent.

He was struggling with every breath and his face was contracted with pain, eyes filled with tears. Raph gritted his teeth and pushed Mikey onto his shell, forcing him to lay down. Mikey was weakly flailing with his arms, still trying to break free.

"Easy Mikey, look at ma, I'm here" Raph tried to soothe Mikey. His blue orbs were wide with fear and tears were leaking down his cheeks. "Please Mikey, try to calm down" Raph tried again and this time Mikey's eyes locked into Raph's eyes.

"That's it Mikey, deep breaths. I'm here" Raph said, hovering Mikey up slightly. Mikey whimpered slightly, leaning against Raph's plastron again and closing his eyes as his breathing returned slightly.

"M'dizzy" Mikey slurred, rubbing his aching plastron slightly. Raph's face flushed slightly, tipping Mikey's chin up to look into Mikey's eyes. The freckled turtle shifted onto his knees slightly and looked into Raph's eyes too, slightly ashamed.

"What else hurts?" He whispered, watching directly into Mikey's eyes. Mikey gulped slightly and looked down, rubbing his plastron again.

"My chest… and I feel warm" He mumbled, closing his eyes again. "I'm tired Raphie, I wanna get out of here" He whispered, his voice breaking despite the soft tone. Raph sighed, pulling his little brother closer to his body.

"I know Mikey but Donnie and Leo are looking for us right now, I'm sure they are, and I will do everything I can to protect you" Raph said, laying down and placing Mikey's head on top of his own plastron, like they would always do when they were younger.

"Just try to sleep for now" He said, looking down to his little brother. Mikey nodded tiredly, immediately closing his eyes. It wasn't peaceful, but Mikey was out immediately after placing his head on top of Raph, totally exhausted from the stress.

Raph wrapped an arm around Mikey's body, grumbling as the chains around his ankles restrained his movement greatly. And only when he was sure Mikey wasn't looking, he allowed his own worry to be shown on his face, and he hated himself for being so weak as a single tear rolled down his cheek.


	4. Chapter 4

He had vowed to himself not to fall asleep. Mikey needed him and he should be able to protect him if the Shredder would return. But when his eyes shot open after the door being thrown open, he knew he had fallen asleep somewhere during the night.

He immediately scrambled to his feet, ignoring his sore muscles from sleeping on the cold and hard floor. He folded his arms around Mikey again as his little brother awoke slowly too. Raph glanced over to the man approaching him and growled slightly, trying to scare him off but of course it didn't work.

"Don't be rude Raphael, we're going to have a little fun today" Shredder said with a sinister voice, signing Fish Face to enter the room too. "Take the red one" He simply stated, walking over to Mikey himself while Fish Face walked over to Raph.

Mikey whimpered and tried to hide behind Raph but failed as Shredder lifted him by his wrist and took him a few meters away from Raph. Mikey struggled weakly but it was like his body was frozen, too exhausted to move or fight back.

"I won't struggle if I were you" Shredder growled, slicing the chains with his gauntlet. As told Mikey remained life-less, too afraid to move at all. His hands were cuffed behind his shell and the chains around his ankles stayed but were no longer connected to the wall so he could walk.

He was roughly pushed onto the floor and a blade was pushed against his shell, urging him to move. Nervously he glanced back, seeing that Raph was restrained too by Fish Face. And he clearly wasn't happy about that.

Raph was gritting his teeth so hard, Mikey was sure it would snap. The same cuffs were around his wrist, forcing them behind his shell. And just like Mikey he still had the cuffs around his ankles. A low whimper escaped his throat as he felt the knife pressing against his shell.

"Walk" Shredder growled, pushing the knife somewhat harder against his shell. It wasn't hard enough to break it but it was still unpleasant and Mikey was shaking on his feet. Shakily Mikey did as Shredder told and walked outside his cell, through the long hall.

He knew where they were going, and every step he took scared him more than the last as the door continuously approached them. Raph was still struggling with the chains around his wrist and was looking for a way out, an open door, a window, anything they could go through and escape.

He knew the building slightly, they had gone through this hall 6 weeks ago to rescue Mikey, but he also knew that escaping would be hard, very hard. Shredder wasn't going to let them go before he had the location of their lair and could get to Master Splinter.

"I'm sure you remember this room, reptile" Shredder snickered as he pushed Mikey in. The push was so hard, and the restrains around his ankles were too short that he lost his footing, falling onto his plastron. Immediately afterwards Fish Face pushed Raph into the room.

Raph growled warningly to them but ran over to Mikey to help him. The chains around his ankles were limiting his movement greatly but he managed to get to Mikey fast and hovered him up, wrapping him into a tight hug once again.

"Leave Mikey out of this Shredder" Raph growled, glaring towards Shredder. "Torture me, anything you want but just leave Mikey out of this!" He continued, shoving Mikey behind his shell as Fish Face and Shredder walked towards them.

"An excellent idea master Shredder" Fish Face snorted, looking towards the red-banded turtle and narrowing his eyes. Raph bared his teeth and glared back but didn't complain. He knew Fish Face hated him, and the feeling was mutual.

But if him being tortured meant Mikey was safe, he was willing to give Fish Face that little ounce of pleasure. Because he knew the only reason Fish Face agreed with Raph's idea was because Fish Face wanted him to suffer as much as possible.

"R-Raph… y-you can't do t-that" Mikey hiccupped but Raph quickly clamped a hand on top of his mouth, preventing him from spoiling Raph's plan. The red banded turtle gave a quick but assuring nod before turning towards the Shredder again.

"Do whatever you want with me, don't hurt him" Raph said coldly, squeezing Mikey's hand slightly as he noticed the violent tremble behind him. Shredder narrowed his eyes and folded his hand around Raph's throat, hosting him up.

"Agreed" He said in a low tone. "Fish Face, get him out of here and bring Tiger Claw here immediately" Shredder ordered before grabbing the chains around Mikey's wrist and throwing him into Fish Face's hold. Mikey whimpered slightly but Raph remained quiet.

"N-No R-Raph!" Mikey cried out, trying to reach his older brother as he was taken out of the room. Tears were streaming down his face and he was struggling to get loose, to get to Raph again. Raph just flashed a short grin.

"I'll be alright Mikey, I promise" He whispered but Mikey was unable to hear it, and seconds after the door was slammed shut and he was alone with the Shredder. Shredder snorted and walked over to the middle of the room, where the wooden chair stood, the same as 6 weeks ago.

"I'm sure you recognize this chair am I right?" Shredder snickered, slamming Raph into the chair. The red banded turtle grunted slightly as his shell connected with the chair but didn't fight back and just remained lifeless in the wooden chair.

He knew that if he did, Mikey would be tortured instead or worse, he would be killed. Raph looked away from both Shredder and Mikey as his shackles were undone and the straps of the chair were replaced. A cold feeling shot down his spine as he was completely strapped down, unable to move.

"You think you are so tough, do you?" Shredder snorted, looking directly into Raph's eyes. "I'm going to break you until you are just as helpless as your little brother, until you cry like he did every night in my dungeons" He snickered. Raph bared his teeth again and glanced towards the Shredder.

And even Shredder couldn't contain a slight shiver that ran down his spine. Raph's glare was so deathly serious and filled with so much determination. Determination to save his little brother from him, and his eyes were clear, he would kill him the first change he'd get.

"My brothers will get me out of here Shredder, and if you do I make sure you will die, slowly and painfully" He hissed through his teeth, continuing to glare at the Shredder. He couldn't see it, but before he knew Shredder's fist connected with his beak.

Raph growled and spit out some blood forming in his beak, again glaring towards the Shredder. He wouldn't give him that pleasure.

"I always knew the orange one was the weakest of your family, he started crying even before I landed a punch on him." Shredder remarked, making Raph's blood boil hot. Nobody called his little brother weak, especially the Shredder.

"He is not weak" Raph hissed, nudging his restrains. He never wanted to punch Shredder so badly before. He had always hated him, but right now it was even worse, his blood was boiling and his hands were itching, ready to punch the Shredder if he was able to.

Shredder gave a loud laugh. "He was Raphael, you saw him crying on the screen" Shredder said, tipping Raph chin up. "I'll enjoy breaking you, until nothing is left of you, and by the time I'm done with you. You will wish you never volunteered for that idiot"

Raph never had time to protest as Shredder's gauntlet slashed his arms. Sudden pain shot through his body as the warm blood began to stream down his arms, two large slashes on his left upper-arm. He bailed his fists but restrained himself from crying out.

"You will talk reptile!" Shredder growled, placing his gauntlet on Raph's plastron, pushing it. Raph's face was filled with hurt even though he was trying his hardest to cover it up. He stared up to Shredder but said nothing.

Shredder let out an animalistic roar before slicing the same arm again, horizontal, and this time Raph couldn't contain a small cry of pain. Shredder laughed and began pounding in on the helpless turtle, punching his arms and plastron.

Only after 10 full minutes he stopped. Shredder smirked and grabbed Raph head, hosting it up slightly. A large bruise was already forming on his beak, just like his whole body and blood was in his mouth, while it was still flowing out of the 4 large cuts on his arm.

"I said I would break you, and I mean what I say" Shredder snorted before bringing his fist down on Raph's skull. The red bended turtle immediately fell limp in the chair, he was still awake but his face was contracted with pain and blood still oozing from his cuts.

"Master Shredder, you wanted to see me?" Came a new voice. Shredder smirked and turned towards the large mutant tiger. Shredder nodded and signed for Tiger Claw to come towards him. Raph kept his head low, waiting for the pain to subside.

"Take him back to the cell and give them some supplies to clean the wound, I can't have him dying." Shredder snorted, turning around and walking away. Tiger Claw nodded towards the Shredder before walking over Raphael.

"K-Keep your claws away from me" Raph hissed, slightly out of it because of his injures but still capable of resisting. Tiger Claw growled slightly but ignored the turtle for now and just snapped his restrains. He flung him over his shoulder, just like he 'kidnapped' Karai and turned towards the hall.

Raph was too exhausted to struggle, and even if he could he knew it would be in vain. There was no way he could fight off all the people in the dungeon in this condition, not like he wouldn't try, but Mikey would pay if they were caught, and he could never do that.

And he would protect his little brother no matter what, even if it meant his death


	5. Chapter 5

His body was trembling, not from the cold but from the fear that was practically wracking through his whole body. Blood was still splattered all around the cell, his blood. And every time he closed his eyes he could see it again.

Shredder beating him up, Rahzar kicking him and stitching him up. All the pain he had felt, all the blood that was shed. His hands were clawing his scars, trailing his fingers across them, feeling the rough edges of them, the swollen area that was once flowing with blood.

Mikey's head shot up when the door was opened and immediately he scrambled backwards until his shell hit the wall. His eyes were wide with fear as he looked over to the giant tiger, and then his eyes fell on the creature he was carrying.

Blood was oozing down his left arm and his body was already starting to bruise. Raph's eyes were closed and he was obviously struggling to breathe. Tiger Claw stepped inside the cell, throwing Raph inside. A chocked cry escaped Raph's mouth as he slowly brought himself to his knees.

Without saying anything Tiger Claw turned around, carelessly throwing a bag inside the room. Pushing his fear aside Mikey immediately shot up, running towards his older brother, he was trying to stand up but Mikey pushed him back.

"D-Don't move" Mikey ordered his older brother and reached for the bag, trembling heavily as he did so. Raph tried to move nevertheless but eventually gave up and fell flat on his shell, crunching his face in pain. His arm painfully throbbing.

"Why did you do that Raph?" Mikey whispered in disbelief as dropped the whole content of the bag on the floor, next to Raph. It was filled with some basic medical stuff, including a needle and thread, gauzes, bandages, something to disinfect the wound and some water.

"Like hell I would let them hurt you" Raph growled. Mikey shrugged and took a few deep breaths, trying to stop the trembling before he picked up the needle and thread to stitch Raph's wound. All three of them, and Sensei, had learned how to treat wounds.

Basic wrappings, disinfecting it and even stitching. But even though, Mikey never liked doing it. He had always been the last one to do so. Donnie would always stitch them up, and if he would be injured then Leo would stitch them up, and in the worst case Raph would help. But Mikey rarely did.

"I can take it" Mikey whispered as he pressed one of the bandages on top of Raph's left upper-arm, to stop the bleeding. Raph hissed slightly when pressure was applied to his wounds but said nothing. Raph glanced up to his little brother.

And just seeing Mikey's body trembling, even though he was hiding it, he knew he had made the right decision. Of course he would never even think about the decision, if there would be any way for him to protect Mikey, he would take it.

"You know you can't" Raph said, harsher than he had intended it to be, but Mikey said nothing, staring at the bandage on Raph's arm. "And it doesn't matter if you can handle or not, I will protect you in any way possible" He continued.

"I know Raph.." Mikey whispered as he slowly removed the bandage from Raph's wound. "I just don't wanna lose you, I love you" Raph froze slightly when Mikey told him that. Of course he knew his little brother loved him, and he said that a lot too.

But it was the way he told him. It was full with desperation, fear. Realization this may be the last time they would get the change to tell each other that they loved the other. The last day they could see each other, before Shredder would do god knows what.

They had no idea what he would do the next morning, or even the next hour. Shredder needed them, to tell the location of their father, but he only needed one, and that was something Raph feared. He didn't care if he died.

He would be grateful to die, protecting his little bro, but it would be the death of Mikey he wouldn't be able to handle. And he also knew that Shredder was perfectly capable of hurting Mikey, he tortured him without mercy, so he would have no trouble killing him.

"I love you too little bro" Raph whispered, his voice hoarse as he tried to struggle to find the right words. Mikey gave him a shallow grin as he bit back the tears threatening to spill. Raph returned the smile and slowly scrambled backwards, until he was leaning against the wall with his shell.

The bleeding in his arm had almost stopped and Mikey was now applying some disinfect before he would stitch it. Raph hissed slightly at the stinging sensation as he looked over to his little brother. Mikey's face was in a large frown, focused on helping his older brother.

"Don't worry Mikey" Raph assured him as Mikey shakily grabbed the needle and thread. Mikey had never been able to handle blood very well, also one of the reasons he wanted to avoid stitching wound up. Mikey nodded vaguely and taking a deep breath.

They were silent as Mikey slowly began to stitch Raph's wound. It wasn't as good as Donnie, but Raph was surprised how well Mikey was handling it. And while it would definitely leave big scars, the stitches were done almost perfectly and sewed the skin properly together.

"Do you think they are looking for us?" Mikey whispered as he rubbed the stitched area with some disinfect again, just to avoid unnecessary infection. Raph looked up towards Mikey, feeling his stomach contract painfully as tears were swimming in his baby blue eyes.

"I'm sure they are Mikey" Raph assured him, watching closely as Mikey wrapped his arm with clean bandages. Mikey dropped Raph's arm with a sigh as he was finally done patching it up. Raph cradled his arm close to his body, testing it slightly.

It didn't hurt as he wouldn't move it too much. He just had to make sure not to strain the stitches. Raph looked up to Mikey again. He was staring at him as tears were now finally leaking down his face, all the concentration he had just seconds ago had disappeared.

And only then Raph realized how bad Mikey was actually doing, completely terrified, not even a day after they had been captured. Raph held out his left arm, signaling for Mikey to hug him and immediately his little brother fell into his hold.

It wasn't long until the first sobs wracked through his body, shaking and trembling in Raph's hold. Raph wrapped his left arm around Mikey, forcing him closer and pressing him against his plastron. Until exhaustion took a hold on both of them.

TMNTTMNT

It was late in the evening when the door was slammed open again, Mikey bolted awake in Raph's hold, slightly disorientated as he quickly scrambled backwards, getting as much distance between him and his enemies.

"Take me, don't hurt him" Raph growled lowly and stood up, completely ignoring the stinging sensation in his arm. Mikey whimpered behind him but Raph only focused on Fishface and Tiger Claw, who were still standing in the door opening.

"Nice try reptile but the little one is coming with us" Tiger Claw growled. "But you're coming too" He added and walking inside of the cell. Raph bared his teeth and stepped backwards so he was in front of Mikey.

"Touch him and I'll kill you" Raph threatened but none of the mutants seemed impressed. And before Raph even knew what was going on something was jabbed into his side, sending powerful shocks through his whole body.

His whole body seemed to paralyzed as he slowly fell to the ground, helplessly as Fishface picked him up and dragging him outside the cell. He wanted to scream, kick, fight back, anything. But instead he could only watch Tiger Claw went to grab his little brother while Mikey was crying and kicking to get away.

They were both dragged towards another room, the Shredder already waiting for them in the middle of the room. Raph was pushed onto his knees and chained to the wall with his hands behind his shell, making it unable for him to do anything.

"Keep away from him!" Raph rasped, pulling his chains as hard as he could, but he was still slightly out of it because of the huge shock he had just received. Mikey was pulled to the middle of the room and pushed onto the ground.

His arms were shackled in front of him and they were pulled high up, until he was forced to stand with his hands high in the air and tied together. His mask was taken off and was replaced by a blindfold, blocking all his view.

"I hope you are comfortable?" Shredder snickered as he circled around Mikey's shivering body. He nodded towards Tiger Claw and Mikey was raised a little higher, forcing him to stand on his toes. Raph growled, pulling his chains over and over again.

"I swear Shredder, if you lay one finger on him I'll kill you!" Raph roared, seeing the helpless figure of his little brother. Mikey was shaking on his feet, both from exhaustion and the intense fear he was feeling. He was temporarily blinded, no idea what or who was around him, and on top of that restrained.

"I am losing my patience so you listen very closely" Shredder started, standing right in front of the trembling turtle. "I want to know where Hamato Yoshi is, and now, and I give you 10 seconds to tell" He said shortly, getting to the point directly.

Mikey whimpered slightly but shook his head, despite the fear that was pumping through his body. And that was the only thing that was needed to set off Shredder. Raph winced as the first punch was landed on Mikey's body, soon followed by another one.

Mikey was struggling to get out of his restraints, anything to get free but it wasn't working. His wrists were starting to bleed from all the struggling but he didn't care. Shredder landed punched everywhere, his arms, plastron, side, legs, everything.

And every time he would walk around him, disorientating him so he wouldn't know where the next punch would land. And Raph was forced to watch as they beat Mikey right in front of them, listen to Mikey's endless cries of pain, and there was nothing Raph could do about it.


	6. Chapter 6

It took him so long to even calm Mikey down enough. His little brother was curled into a ball, sobbing hysterically. Shredder had done it for so long, the beating went on for hours. He even sliced Mikey with his gauntlet, deep into his skin.

The cut was just above his plastron, and after that he had been taken back to his cell, together with Raph. There was nothing he could do about the bruises that were all over his body, and he hated how much pain his little brother was in. He needed to cool it down, or ease it at least.

The bag had been taken away during Mikey's beating, and there was no way Raph would treat Mikey's wounds now. The slash above his plastron needed stitches so it could even start to heal, but there were simply none, nothing he could treat Mikey with.

Their bandana's had been taken the day they got here, and only the bandages they always carried could be used. It was dangerous to do so. They were dirty and covered with sweat, and the chance of infection was high but he had to do something, or Mikey would really be in trouble, so he did.

"I-I want to g-go home Raph" Mikey hiccupped, holding tightly onto Raph's hand. His older brother was sitting with his shell against the wall, with him lying on his lap, head against Raph's plastron. Raph pressed his bandages on the long slash above Mikey's plastron while the other one was held by Mikey.

The bandages were soaked in blood and every time Raph moved them, or re-positioned them a flash of pain was seen on Mikey's face. And he already knew that if he ever had the chance, he would kill Shredder without mercy, and he would make him pay.

"I know little brother" Raph sighed and bit his lip slightly. MIkey was beyond terrified, and he knew that if he wouldn't get Mikey out very soon, he would lose his baby brother forever. He was at the end of the line, and he could snap any moment.

Mikey was strong, despite his looks he was strong. But being tortured for days could break anyone. He was alone all that time, beaten and broken for answers. And right now he was re-captured again. And Raph couldn't imagine how Mikey was feeling right now.

"Sleep for now, I'll watch over ya" Raph whispered, squeezing Mikey's hand slightly. Mikey returned the squeeze before nodding slightly and closing his eyes. His head fell to the side, trying to find a comfortable sleeping position.

The grip on Raph's hand slowly loosened up a bit and the even breathing indicated he was asleep again. Raph closed his eyes for a bit. He couldn't believe all of this happened in just a day. Less than 24 hours ago they were still happily in the lair.

Mikey was still bouncing up and down, excited to go on a patrol again, not realizing the danger he was getting himself in. And right now they were locked away, captured by the Shredder once again. And somehow Raph was glad he was captured too, it meant he could protect his little brother.

The pain that was still radiating through his arm reminded him each second that he had protected his little brother from the beatings, but each time he looked to the fearful expressions, and right now the heavy bruises on Mikey's body, he knew that no matter how hard he tried, Mikey would end up being hurt.

TMNT

Mikey was still sleeping in his lap, far from peaceful but he was sleeping. The bleeding had stopped over the hours but Raph kept the bandage where it was, afraid that it might re-open again. And he knew it would, without the stitches the slash was just too big to heal on its own.

He didn't know how long he had been watching Mikey, but he knew it couldn't have been long. Tiger Claw had come in once to bring them some dinner, so it was somewhere during the evening. Raph had left the food for the most part, sparing everything he could for Mikey.

It wasn't fancy but Raph couldn't be more happy when he saw it was soup, one of the few things Mikey actually could keep in. But he knew better than to wake his little brother up, he would need his strength for the next day, or whenever Shredder came back again.

Raph cursed himself when he heard the lock opening again. "Mikey wake up" Raph hissed quietly, tapping Mikey on his cheek slightly. It wasn't Tiger Claw, or Fish face. Fish face wasn't even bothering to be stealthy when he came for them, and Tiger Claw always came with him when they needed to retrieve them.

So that only left Shredder. Raph narrowed his eyes and wrapped his free hand around Mikey's body, which was already starting to shake from the fear. Slowly the door opened, and Raph frowned slightly. The mostly noisy door was almost completely silent, almost like someone was trying to be silent.

"Raph, Mikey" The familiar voice cut in. Raph gasped slightly when he saw Leo, Donnie and Casey approaching them. Mikey stirred in his hold, his eyes just as wide as Raph's. Leo, Casey and Donnie wasted no time and immediately ran over to Raph and Mikey.

"I-I knew you'd c-come" Mikey whispered, his voice shivering with both relief and fear. Donnie smiled and quickly wrapped his arms around both Raph and Mikey before helping them up. Mikey groaned in pain as his muscles protested so Leo quickly picked him up.

"Can you walk?" Donnie whispered as he helped Raph with standing up. Raph grunted but nodded, biting his tongue to keep himself from screaming. His arm was hurting so much but he wouldn't let himself be carried, it would only slow them down.

"Let's get out of here" Leo ordered, walking outside the room. His eyes were narrowed and white as he scanned the corridor. They ran towards the end, running up the stairs, the same stairs they used the previous time they rescued Mikey.

However this time they came through the roof, because the door was overloaded with security. April and Splinter stayed on the roof, so they could pull them up with the rope. April couldn't lift them up herself, so Sensei stayed too, while Donnie, Leo and Casey went inside.

"Sensei" Leo called out, trying to be too quiet but loud enough for his father to hear. Immediately after his call Sensei's head appearing through the hole in the roof, together with April's.

"My sons" Splinter gasped as he saw the condition of Mikey and Raph but wasted no time and immediately threw down a rope. Leo immediately secured the rope around him and checked one last time if it was secure before giving April and Sensei a thumbs up and wrapping his arms around Mikey.

Mikey whimpered slightly when he was hosted into the air, being held by Leo. but soon enough he was on the rooftop. He almost wanted to cry when he felt the cool air rushing past his bruised skin, and the familiar safe feeling he got whenever he was around his dad but even so he knew better than to bother him right now.

April quickly helped him out of the ropes and threw the material down for Raph and Donnie. "Don't cry otouto, you're safe now" Leo whispered as he drew Mikey closer to his body. The bandages that was hastily wrapped around Mikey's slash wound was starting to soak again, but for now Mikey couldn't care less. All that mattered was that he was finally free.

Donnie and Raph were still down in the building and as soon as the rope was thrown down Donnie tied it around his stomach too, testing if it was safely secured. He gave it a last tug before giving a thumbs up. He scooped his arms under Raph's arms and they were both slowly pulled upwards.

They were so close, and they almost wanted to cheer when suddenly Raph let out a chocked scream. "Get lost!" Raph screamed, suddenly not caring about stealth as he looked down on the rope around his ankle, tugging him down.

"You aren't going anywhere reptile" Tiger Claw growled, pulling the rope to get Raph down again. Donnie groaned with the effort, trying to keep his older brother into his hold but Tiger Claw was too strong. Donnie and Raph lowered slightly. Splinter and April not being able to hold the two brothers up anymore.

"Donnie, let go of me" Raph suddenly called out, already untangling himself from Donnie's hold. Donnie wanted to protest but Raph cut him off. "Do it Donnie, if you don't we'll both go down." Raph screamed, still trying to kick his leg free.

"I'm not letting you go again Raph!" Donnie yelled back. "Mikey, Leo help them!". Immediately he could feel himself being pulled up more but that ended when Mikey let out a loud scream, the sound of foot bots on the roof.

The pressure on Raph's leg grew and Tiger Claw was pulling more and more every second. Raph gritted his teeth, looking up. April's face was red and her arms were buckling, desperately trying to keep Donnie and Raph up in the air, and even Sensei was losing grip, and within seconds Raph made his decision.

"I'm so sorry Donnie" He whispered, grabbing the hidden tanto in his belt. "I love ya" He continued, more to himself and he slashed Donnie's arm. It wasn't deep, but it hurt and that was enough Raph needed to fully untangle himself from Donnie's held.

He could hear screams, Donnie calling for him but he continued to fall down. And when his head his the ground, everything went black. The scream of Mikey being the last thing he heard before he passed out from the blow to his head.

TMNT

A low groan escaped his lips, his head was pounding again, images swimming through his head. They were close, just so close to escaping. They came for them, Mikey was safe again, and he would be if it wasn't for Tiger Claw.

He didn't know how long he had been out, but he already knew he was back. He could still recall the screams. The fight above him, Fish face joining the fight, and him being tied up again. He didn't know what happened in between.

The only thing he knew was the pain that was flowing through his arm and head again. The familiar chains around his ankles, but this time also around his wrist, And his little brother, bound with chains in the corner, out of his reach.


	7. Chapter 7

The next thing he knew was a loud banging noise waking him up. His eyes flew open and he immediately scrambled upwards. The chains around his wrist and ankles were tight, too tight. He could barely lift his hands but that wouldn't stop him.

He blinked a few times and groaned, bowing his head slightly. His head was pounding painfully and the fact that he couldn't even reach for his head only made it worse. They had been so close, so close to escaping.

He knew Mikey and Leo were already outside, waiting for their freedom. But of course he had to get caught. He was just so grateful he could spare Donnie, even if it meant hurting him. Or he was in another room, but Raph doubted it. If Mikey was here in the same room, Donnie would be too.

Mikey…. He still couldn't believe Mikey was captured again. He was out, he was safe, but the moment he woke up again, and he saw Mikey restrained on the other side of the room he knew he had failed miserably as a big brother, as a protector.

He sighed in defeat and bit his lip, preventing himself from crying, he had to stay strong for now, he knew Shredder would be beyond furious right now. Another sigh passed his lips and he looked over to Mikey. And by the shaking he could already tell his little brother was awake.

"Mikey?" He whispered, not wanting to startle him. "Are you in pain? Does anything hurt?" He asked worriedly when he got no response from him. Slowly Mikey lifted his head and Raph gasped in horror and shock. His face was swollen, blue and purple bruises all over his face.

"I-I'm okay" He rasped but even that small sentence made him crunch in pain. Raph couldn't stand it, he couldn't stand seeing Mikey like that. His whole body was now covered with black and blue bruises and the temporarily bandage around his upper-plastron was soaked in blood.

"Yer far from okay" Raph objected, making another failed attempt to get out of the chains. "Be honest Mikey… I can't help ya otherwise" He said, lower this time. It must've been their escape, that's why they were chained again.

So they couldn't escape that easily again, and to torture them even more by not allowing them to touch each other. And Raph knew that was going to break Mikey. He needed him right now, he needed a rock to hang on to.

"I'm s-sore Raph… and it's c-cold in here" Mikey stuttered, his voice still raw and only then Raph noticed the trail of sweat that was trickling down Mikey's temple. And without even feeling his temperature he knew Mikey was burning up.

"I think yer having a fever" Raph stated and nudged his chains again, if he could just reach Mikey, but the chains were too tight, and even attempted to get to Mikey ended in the familiar flaring pain shooting up his arm.

"My wound feels funny" Mikey whispered. "I'm s-so cold but…." Mikey stopped mid-sentence as he doubled over, gagging but nothing came out. And Raph didn't need Mikey to finish his sentence, he already knew what happened, the infection was starting to kick in.

There was nothing Raph could do and watched helplessly as Mikey was gagging right in front of him, but nothing came out. His stomach trying to empty itself but his body not allowing him to. A sob escaped his lips as he slowly sat back up, resting his head against the wall behind him.

"Sleep Mikey, you need your strength" Raph said, watching as Mikey closed his eyes. Mikey shifted slightly as he tried to find a somewhat comfortable position to fall asleep and within minutes he was out cold, softly snoring.

Raph sighed and leaned back against the cold wall too. High up the ceiling there was a small window, clearly showing the sun, meaning it was already morning. They had been moved to another building, and Raph wasn't surprised at all.

His family found them, knew where to look so it was obvious Shredder would move the, which meant they had to be found all over again, and who knows how long that would take. Mikey couldn't take much more. They had to get out soon.

Raph closed his eyes slightly and leaned against the wall behind him. They had to find them soon, they just had to for Mikey's sake. Or he might completely break down.

TMNT

The next moment Shredder was back again, he had no idea when he got here but he recognized him immediately. Raph's eyes snapped open and scrambled up. Shredder had his foot pressed on Mikey's plastron.

His chains were disconnected from the wall but he was just as helpless as the shackles around his ankles and wrists remained where they were. Mikey's eyes were squeezed shut with pain and tears were leaking down his face.

"You think you're being smart don't you?" Shredder growled, pressing down harder on Mikey's plastron. "You'll never get out again you hear me? I'll break you" Mikey turned his head away and whimpered slightly, trying to block the pain that was radiating through him.

"Shredder!" Raph roared, which got his attention. "You leave him alone, take me!" He said, gritting his teeth. Shredder snickered and pressed down once again and immediately a snapping sound echoed through the cell. Mikey's eyes flew open and a strangled gasp passed his lips.

"Glad you could joining us Raphael, but no" Shredder said and loosened the pressure slightly. He looked over to Raph and stepped off Mikey plastron, walking over to Raph. Mikey immediately curled into ball, crying softly as he clutched his chest.

Shredder smirked and tipped Raph's chin up with his blades, making it impossible for Raph to look down without hurting himself. Raph narrowed his eyes and showed his teeth, but Shredder wasn't impressed, far from it.

"I know you Raphael" he stated, sending a shiver down Raph's spine, he didn't like that tone. "I know how you act all tough, but you're actually caring. And I know how much you love your pathetic little brother" Raph growled again, jerking forwards in an attempt to reach for Shredder.

"You. don't know anything about me!" Raph snarled. "And you certainly don't know anything about love, you're all alone Metal head, no wonder Tang Shen left you" Before he could even realize what was going on a strong hand landed on his cheek, leaving a burning pain.

Shredder was furious and his eyes were painfully narrowed. Raph could vaguely taste blood forming inside his mouth but shook it off and glared towards the Shredder. And he was surprised when he suddenly saw him smirking.

"You'll pay for that reptile… it's almost a shame I choose your brother instead of you" Shredder said in a low voice. Behind him Mikey moaned slightly, trying to get up but he had no strength left, he was done, his body was just done.

"You know Raphael, I only need one of you to tell me where Hamato Yoshi is" A shiver went down Raph's spine and dread filled him. He couldn't….. Shredder couldn't do what he thought he was going to do. Shredder released the hold on his chin and turned around, walking over to Mikey again.

"Shredder!" Raph snarled, jerking his restraints but nothing worked. "Don't you dare to hurt him! I'll kill you Shredder, you hear me?!" Raph roared. He didn't notice the blood that was running down his arm, or the wounds that he was making with trashing the chains.

"Then tell me Raphael" Shredder snickered as he extended his blades pressing them on Mikey's shoulder and adding pressure. It wasn't breaking his skin, not yet but Mikey's eyes immediately flew open and he let out a chocked sob, trashing weakly to fight off Shredder.

"Keep away from him… I swear Shredder I'll….." Raph yelled but was cut short when Shredder added more pressure, breaking the skin and disappearing deep into Mikey's flesh. Mikey threw his head back and let out an icy scream, trashing to get away from the sudden pain.

It took so long for the pain to subside, or be bearable for Mikey to speak up. His eyes were partly open and he was crunched up in pain. His head was facing Raph as he was struggling to find the right words.

"D-Don't…tell" Mikey gasped, panting and looking into his eyes. Mikey had tears rolling down his face, and his eyes were filled with pain. His attention was brought back when Shredder twisted the blade in his shoulder, worsening the damage even more.

Mikey snapped his head back again and let out another scream of pain, echoing through the whole room and sending shivers down Raph's spine. Everything was hurting but he didn't care, he continued to trash, nudge his chains, anything to get to Mikey.

Tears were now streaming down his face too as Mikey continued to writhe in pain, gasping for air. Shredder growled and pulled out the blade, revealing a large stab wound which was immediately overflowing with blood.

"I don't need him Raphael!" Shredder yelled as he lasted warning but Raph was frozen in place, he could only see the desperate look on Mikey, don't tell him, don't tell him. How badly he wanted to tell, he couldn't. Mikey wouldn't want him to, but he couldn't just let Mikey die.

Mikey and Raph both let out a loud cry when Shredder's fist connected with Mikey's cheek. And soon another one, slashing his skin in multiple places. Blood was pouring out of multiple gashes, both large and small. And Mikey was writhing in pain.

"Last change Raphael, or he'll die" There was a long silence, like the ones in movies. The moment everything would go in slow motion. Close ups from the characters, showing their emotions but Raph never thought he would be in the middle.

He could feel his own breath escaping his mouth as it happened. It weren't the blades he was fearing, it was the fist that was coming towards his little brother. It seemed to go in slow motion and once the fist connected with Mikey's plastron Raph could hear his ribs breaking under the pressure.

Mikey gasped and shot up, flailing and clawing at everything he could. His face crunched with immense pain and horror written all over his face. He fell back on his shell seconds later, his plastron heaving, trying desperately to find the air, trying to get it past his broken ribs.

And then his chest wasn't moving.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been days, days of complete isolation. He was going crazy, he knew he was. Memories kept floating through his mind, memories he wanted to keep away. He wanted to remember his smile, the brilliant blue eyes.

The joy he always carried within himself, the smile that never left his face. The energy he always had when they were young, the little brother he ruined by shutting him out, by rejecting him that faithful night.

And now all that was left of him was a bleeding mess. He never got to say goodbye, he never apologized for his actions, for not protecting him enough. The body was immediately dragged away, Mikey unresponsive and not answering.

Bones were poking from under his plastron and blood was all over his body, but what scared him most was the blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth.

He recognized the feeling. It was the same empty feeling, the same shameful feeling he had when Mikey died. But at that time he had his brothers to rely on. Donnie and Leo to comfort him, and to release their rage.

His heart was so painfully tight, he still remembered the dreadful feeling, but he also remembered the happiness of finding him alive. Shredder wouldn't do that again, he wouldn't pull that same trick once again, Mikey was gone forever.

His spirit wasn't close, it never was. The joy had left him a long time ago. Taken away because of him. Because he wasn't good enough to protect him. And he deserved everything that was coming to him right now. He wasn't struggling anymore.

The chains still tightly around his limps, but he made no attempt to break free. He couldn't, and even if he did, it was no use. Mikey was dead, and he could never live with that shame, ever. Leo and Donnie would blame him, he failed his little brother.

He had tried so hard, he sacrificed everything he could, but it wasn't enough, he wasn't enough. And Mikey had to pay the price. He welcomed the pain, he deserved it. Mikey suffered because he wasn't strong enough, he deserved the pain.

He needed it, he needed it to stay alive. Even if he just wanted to die. He didn't deserve the bliss of death. He deserved to suffer, to suffer like Mikey did. But he could never live up to the pain his little brother had, never.

He was rocking back and forth. His muscles stiff from the continuous action. He never ate, and he only drank when he was forced to. He just wanted to die, slowly and painfully, he deserved it. There were screams but when he looked, he was still alone. He had always been.

Days passed, days after Mikey had died. And the memories still wouldn't leave him alone. The screams he let out, every whimper, every sob. Every tear that was shed because of him. He blew him off, he was the reason he ran away, all his fault.

A whimper past his lips, the first noise he had made in the last few days. The only noise he allowed himself to make. And it was painful to hear, it reminded him. He failed, he didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve to complain.

"Raph?" A quiet voice cut in. Immediately Raph's head shot up, shaking and trembling from the noise. He cringed slightly and whipped his head around, only to meet the iron wall. He was going crazy, he was hearing voices. But he deserved it, he failed Mikey.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…. I'm so sorry" He mumbled, rocking back and forth. His head was beginning to pound and he couldn't reach. He deserved it, he deserved the pain, he failed Mikey. The screams, the blood, the whimpers. The empty look in his baby blue eyes.

"What are you talking about?" The same voice hissed, and then Raph recognized it as Karai's voice. Raph scrambled up slightly, his muscles were stiff and it took him every ounce of energy not to collapse on the ground immediately.

"Karai..? Is that you?" Raph whispered as he gripped the bars of his cell. He never even bothered to look outside of the cell. It wasn't worth it, he wasn't worth it. His arms started to tremble again and he slipped to the ground, holding the wall in an effort to support himself.

"It's me… why are you here?" Karai insisted, she was next to his cell, but the most frustration thing was he couldn't see her. "Did he… hurt you Raph?" She added after a few seconds. She knew her father, she knew what he was capable off. And she was relieved she also knew he would never hurt her.

But she also knew about his vendetta against Hamato Yoshi, her real father. And that he would do anything to get to him, even if it meant hurting the turtles, Hamato Yoshi's sons, and apparently her brothers.

"He killed him…." Raph whispered, leaning with his head against the cold wall as realization hit him. "Shredder killed him" And that was the first time tears appeared in his eyes, the first time he allowed himself to cry over the loss of his little brother.

"Raph who are you talking about? Are you hurt?" Karai asked, truly terrified for Raph's condition. She didn't know him very well, but she knew he was the tough guy, the strong one and the muscle. But right now she could clearly hear him crying.

"M-Mikey… He killed him" Raph stuttered, hanging his head in shame. The blood was everywhere. And it was his fault. All the screams that came from Mikey's throat in the last 6 weeks, because he blew him off.

"Are you sure? Maybe Shredder is just playing with you…" She bit her lip slightly. She knew what her so called 'father' could do. How ruthless he was. It could be a trick, and to be honest, she couldn't just accept the thought that her little brother might be dead.

She knew she couldn't cry about it if it would be true. They were always her most hated enemy, the one she had vowed to destroy and kill. But right now she couldn't help but feeling sad by the possibility. The possibility of Mikey being dead.

If it was anyone who didn't deserve to die, it was him. Of course none of them deserved to die, but he immediately accepted her in the short time she was at the lair, cared for her while the others were still a big hesitant, with an exception of Leo.

"He did it before Karai…." Raph mumbled, starting to doubt slightly. But it couldn't be, he died right in front of him, and no reviving could bring him back. He growled and bailed his fists painfully. She was lying… he couldn't be. His fault, all his fault.

His head began to pound again. It was painful, just so painful but he welcomed it. Mikey was dead, and he was hoping. He groaned slightly as his heart began to pound painfully again and he started to sway slightly.

"Raph say something please" Karai pleaded from the other side but Raph didn't listen, he never responded. Tears were leaking down his face, consuming himself with guilt. His stomach was aching and protesting but he ignored it.

He shut his eyes, trying to block out Karai's voice. She was lying, everything she was telling was a lie. His body was shivering from the anger and exhaustion and he eventually slipped unconscious, holding on to the slightest hope that Mikey might actually still be alive.


	9. Chapter 9

He never knew how much he could miss the loud noises around the lair. He always hated them, especially when he wanted to concentrate, or just wanted to sleep. The noise in the lair would never die out, not even at night.

Even early in the morning he would hear Leo training in the dojo. His door shrieking when it would open, his attempt to be quiet, and after that all the effort he put into his training. Metal hitting metal, heavy breathing and movements.

His immediate younger brother had never been silent. Although the others didn't seem to hear it, he did. The grunts of frustration during the night, despite their efforts to get Donnie to sleep. But he never did. And there were always explosions.

And during the day, it didn't get any better. The TV would be on, yelling and screaming all around the lair, mostly coming from his little brother, Mikey. He always hated it, well not always but there were countless times he just wanted some quiet.

But right now he was going crazy because of the silence, he hated it. He wanted to hear Mikey's laughter again, Donnie's endless ramblings about failed experiments, Leo's speech about being a true ninja, he just wanted to go home.

The only thing he could focus on right now was the beating of his heart. Rising and falling, sending the blood through his body. It was keeping his body alive, and he hated it but he did nothing to stop it. He deserved every second of pain.

Behind him he could hear the soft wheezing of Karai, he could still hear it. She had been dragged away hours ago. She was his daughter, adoptive but still his daughter, and Raph couldn't believe that he had done that.

Despite how sick-minded he was, Raph would never think he would hurt her. He could practically feel her pain, his back aching in response of her cries for help, but he couldn't. he had cried to himself, cried over the endless cries.

It were the same cries Mikey had let out every night after a nightmare, the same cries when they found him getting whipped and beaten, and the same cries he had heard before he died right in front of him. Full with pain and begging for relief, begging for it to end.

She had cried for his help, begging for him to help him, but he couldn't. He had failed her, he had failed his sister, he had failed Mikey. His little brother he had vowed to protect. The blood wasn't hard to notice, and the smell was still all around the cell.

He had whipped her, until her back was totally mangled. Raph had never seen it, and maybe he didn't want to see it, he couldn't see it, it would remind him too much. Shredder did it for so long, until her voice was hoarse from the screaming, from all the pleads.

Shredder had left her, without giving a second look he had left his own daughter, after he had beaten her until her full back was bleeding, blood streaming down her back and spilling the ground. She was lying with her belly down on the ground, her shirt battered and ripped apart.

Big tears were streaming down her eyes, joining the red blood around her. She was cold, and her whole body was aching so much and she found herself wheezing for every breath. Her heart racing hysterically, trying to suck in enough oxygen.

"Karai?" Raph whispered after he was sure Shredder had left completely. He couldn't believe it, he would never do that, and yet Raph could hear Karai's crying and wheezing for every breath. Practically hearing the blood gushing down her back.

"I'm …. okay" Karai tried to assure him, but Raph could clearly hear the pause, trying to suck in some oxygen. She was starting to get dizzy, the lack of oxygen affecting her brain. She groaned slightly and burrowed her face in her arms, biting her lip to block out the pain radiating through her body.

'Don't hide it from ma… I heard everything" Raph said, taking a deep breath himself. He heard all of it, every painful lash the Shredder would release on Karai's body.

"I know.. that was his plan" Karai said after a few silent moments. Her voice was hoarse, so incredibly hoarse. She sounded so vulnerable and Raph honestly didn't want to know how she looked like. He wouldn't be able to handle her pale face, and especially not the blood.

"After your 'escape' he has gone mad Raph…" She gasped, hovering herself up but collapsing immediately from the pain. "He wants to find the lair, and right now he'll do everything, including murder" She stated, but unlike any other time, her voice wasn't filled with venom.

Raph froze slightly and bowed his head, a single tear rolling down his cheek at the memory of his little brother. He didn't want to think about, it was just too painful. Right now he had to focus on escaping. He didn't want to escape, there was no point in bringing himself home, but Karai was.

She needed to be re-united with her family, with her father, and with Leo and Donnie. He wasn't worth it, he just had to get Karai home, that was all that mattered right now.

"Everything will be alright Karai, I'll get ya out of here" Raph whispered and dropped his head to the side, resting his cheek against the cold wall. He would, if it would be the last thing he'd do. Mikey would want him to save her.

She had been taken only hours after her beating. The whimpering never stopped, and no matter how strong she was, or how tough, and no matter how badly she wanted to cover it up, Raph heard every complain that past her lips.

And again he couldn't do anything about it, he was helpless. He could only listen to her complaints and assure her as much as he could. He couldn't stop her pain, he couldn't do anything, just like with Mikey. He had failed her, and his little brother.

But unlike Mikey, Karai still had a chance. She would heal, and as ruthless as Shredder was, he would never kill her. He was already surprised, no shocked, when he even hurt her, but he would never kill her over his stupid vendetta.

Raph groaned slightly, the whimpers wouldn't stop. He knew they weren't there. The wheezing sound of her breathing wasn't there. She wasn't behind him, trying to get enough oxygen into her system, she wasn't in the cage.

She had been dragged away hours ago, and still the wheezing never left. He could hear it, every second it entered his ears, bouncing in between the iron walls in his cells. Every ounce of sound made him jerk or twitch, he knew they weren't here, he knew it but he could hear them.

Steps joined the wheezing but he didn't listen. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block it. Nothing was real, the wheezing wasn't there, the steps weren't there. He was imagining it, Karai had been taken hours ago. Her voice raw and hoarse.

They wheezing wasn't real, the steps weren't there. Nobody was here, he was utterly alone. The wheezing wasn't real, the sound of metal wasn't there. Another whimper escaped his lips, they wouldn't go away, they never got away.

"Raph… buddy?" It wasn't real, none of it was real. Karai wasn't here, the wheezing wasn't real. The green hand resting on his knee wasn't real. The bandage around the green arm wasn't real.. he was alone, he had always been.

"What is wrong with him Donnie?" Another voice whispered. Raph groaned again, this wasn't real. He was imagining stuff. Shredder was playing a nasty game with him. His brothers weren't here, they wouldn't come for him if Mikey was dead, they wouldn't rescue him.

Before he knew something was pushed against his lips. Raph tried to keep his lips sealed, the water was horrible but he was always forced. He would be roughly pushed against the wall, until he could hear his shell protesting beneath the pressure, and afterwards a large gulp was poured into his mouth.

The large claw would always come directly afterwards. Never allowing him to spit it out or reject it. The worst feeling was them cutting away all the oxygen. Tiger Claw would block both his nose and his mouth. He didn't want to swallow it.

He just wanted to die and the water tasted horrible, but the loss of oxygen always won eventually, and eventually they succeeded in him being forced to drink.

He wasn't forced, they never tipped the cup like they would always do, and the claw never came on top of his mouth. It didn't matter, he wouldn't drink it, he wanted to die, and it didn't matter his brothers were in front of him, they weren't real, Shredder was playing with him.

Raph was too weak to struggle as his head was tipped backwards and some water was poured into his mouth. Raph immediately wanted to spit it out, expecting the large claw again but instead nothing came. The water was a blessing in his dry mouth and the water tasted good.

It was cold and nice, and without actually thinking he swallowed the small amount of water, his lips curling upwards slightly at the pleasant feeling. The object was placed against his mouth afterwards, pouring another bit of water into his mouth.

And every bit of water seemed to be better than the last one. He welcomed it, and he eagerly waited for the next one. And for the first time in 4 days he felt like himself again. His mind wasn't pounding anymore, only a dull headache remaining.

"… open… eyes…. Raph.." The words seemed like a blur and he closed his eyes again, trying to block the voices out. It wasn't real, none of it was real. That was the only thing he could think about, completely ignoring the fact that the badly wheezing of Karai had died out.

"We…. get….home" The sentences kept blurring in his head, he couldn't make them out. A cold finger was placed on top of his eyelid and he slowly felt it being opened. He winced as a sharp light entered his eyes. It was blinding and he wanted nothing more than to close it again.

He couldn't understand why they wouldn't just leave him alone, he wanted to be alone. But the voices never left, and every second they became more clear. Leo's voice, Donnie's voice. They sounded so concerned.

"That's it Raph" The red banded turtle could vaguely make out as he slowly opened his eyes, daring to look in his cell. He winced, he didn't want to look but he froze when he saw there was nothing, there was nothing on the floor.

Blood had been splattered all over the floor, Mikey's blood but right now there wasn't nothing at all. He groaned loudly as a head rush came over him, leaving as soon as it came. Leo's eyes were darting at him, wide with fear and concern.

"Donnie what's wrong?" Leo whispered. Raph was struggling to make the words out, slowly growing louder and louder by the second. 2 strong hands were placed under his arms, hosting him up very gently so he was sitting upright.

"G-Guys?" Raph spat out, blinking a few times to be sure they were there. They never left him, his brothers stayed where they were, never leaving his side. He winced and tried to raise his hand but was stopped by the heavy chains.

"We're here buddy, we will get you out of here" Donnie whispered softly and looked over to Leo. The blue banded turtle seemed to understand as he grabbed the hidden tanto from his belt, setting it on top of the chains and easily slicing it through.

Raph squeezed his eyes shut when the chains fell off his body, and fell to the ground. Immediately he was engulfed by two brothers, hugging him deeply. He could feel Donnie burying himself in Raph's neck, squeezing him as his life depended on it.

Leo had his arms wrapped around him, squeezing just as Donnie was, but somehow his grip seemed to be less powerful, trying to be gentle with him. Raph groaned in between his brother and shook his head slightly, swallowing a few times.

"We would never leave you Raph…. now let's get out of here" Leo said, his voice muffled and pulled out of the hug. A few tears were lingering in his eyes but there was also relief on his face, he was relieved to see his little brother, hurt but alive.

Raph nodded vaguely, although he had no intention of getting out, he wasn't leaving without killing the Shredder. He would pay for everything he had done to Mikey, every scream that he had forced out of his throat and every smile he wore when more blood was spilled.

That terrible smirk of him Raph grew to hate. He couldn't believe how someone could be so ruthless, caught up in some stupid vendetta. An over 15 years long vendetta, over a woman nevertheless. He couldn't believe such a thing would cause someone to turn so ruthless, and yet he was.

He had murdered Mikey without hesitating, tortured him and Mikey and captured them. How hard it was to believe that someone could be so cruel, Raph knew there was no denying, and he wasn't doing it, he knew what Shredder all did, and for that he would pay.

He had expected standing up would be painful, being in the same position for so long and figuring he still had the huge slashes on his arm, but the only thing he felt was the unpleasant sore feeling all over his body.

"Easy Raph" Donnie whispered, staring with wide eyes as Raph hovered himself up and immediately shot forwards, grabbing Raph's arm to support him. Raph wanted to protest, he was fine, sore but fine. But before he could protest his other arm was along Leo's shoulder, and both his brothers were supporting him.

"I'm fine" Raph grunted, annoyed by the way his brothers were treating him. He could still walk, sure he was hurt but he wasn't made out of glass. Raph sighed and lowered his head, he didn't want to snap at them, honestly but he couldn't help himself.

"You're not fine Raph, you're hurt. Just … hang on a little more, we'll get you out of here" Leo said, changing his grip on Raph so he could support him somewhat better. Raph just allowed it, he would wait for the perfect moment, his brothers would never allow him to.

But he also knew he wasn't leaving without the Shredder being dead. He would make him suffer for everything, even if it meant sacrificing his own life. He would kill the Shredder now, today, or he would die trying.

Leo seemed to be concerned, his sea blue eyes were filled with worry as he was looking over to his younger brother, scanning his body, while Donnie seemed to be deep in thoughts. Worry and deep concentration on his face.

"I can walk myself Leo, just let me go" Raph growled, trying to break free from his brothers' grip but they were too strong, and obviously determined not to let go any time soon.

"I know what you want to do Raph, it's not going to happen" Leo said in his usual leader tone, and Raph knew there was no arguing with him. Not like that has ever stopped him before, and it certainly wasn't stopping him now.

"Then ya should know I have to do this" Raph growled, narrowing his eyes dangerously. A flash of uncertainty washed over Leo's eyes. It was beyond anything Leo had seen before. Raph had always been determined once he set his mind on something, one of the few things he shared with Mikey.

And he would never let go of that idea, like ever. And no matter what others would say, there was just no stopping him, but right now it was even more than that. His eyes were filled with the same determination he always carried but there was more.

Raph had nevers been good at hiding his emotions, but right now Leo could clearly see the hurt beneath his eyes, hidden tears mixing with so much hatred, and Leo instantly knew to who it was directed, the man that had broken his family, the Shredder.

"Let's go then" Leo stated flatly as he took the lead, right towards the hall towards the Shredder. Raph's breath hitched slightly, stopping immediately. Donnie and Leo stopped too, and apparently Donnie was just as shocked as Raph was. His eyes wide with confusion

"Leo, where are we going?" Donnie hissed, clearly not happy about whatever Leo was planning to do. Leo sighed and carefully placed Raph against the wall but the stubborn turtle never sat down. Raph wasn't going to sit down until Shredder was dead.

"We're going to end this tonight Donnie, together" Leo stated firmly, watching between Raph and Donnie. The genius of the family seemed to doubt for second, but that completely changed after a few second, and he narrowed his eyes with the same determination Raph had.

"I'm with you Leo, let's end this" Donnie stated, grabbing his bo-staff from his back. Leo nodded and grabbed his own sword, swiftly handing Raph 2 of the three tanto's he always carried around with him. They weren't as good as the sais, but a simple tanto was the only thing he would need to kill that monster.

"You're right Raph, we can't let him get away with everything he had done to you .. and Mikey, we can do this. The foot bots are out on patrol right now, so that leaves Tiger Claw, Fish face and Shredder." Leo explained in a whisper, quickly glancing over to Donnie.

Even though nobody would miss him, and Donnie had done the right thing, he still felt bad about killing Rahzar 7 weeks ago. He never liked to kill, but somehow it was still bothering him slightly, he had only killed a few before. But a quick nod from him was the only thing Leo needed to continue.

"Donnie, you take Tiger Claw and Fish Face, I'll handle the Shredder" Leo ordered, Raph opened his mouth to protest but Leo raised his hand to stop him. "You're injured Raph, you can't fight in this battle" He said, glaring slightly, trying to make it clear.

"Besides, he needs to think you're still in the dungeon, otherwise it won't be a surprise attack wouldn't it?" Leo added, with a small smirk on his face. Raph's eyes lit up slightly, and smirked too. It wouldn't matter what Leo said, he would kill the Shredder, but Leo agreeing with it, made it so much better.

"I'll come from the back of his throne, can ya lead him there?" Raph asked in a quiet voice as he cautiously looked around, trying to see if no one was sneaking up on them. Leo gave a nod and pulled Raph into a quick hug, forcing Donnie in too before releasing them again.

"Don't get killed Raph… neither of you, I can't lose you guys" Leo said before he signed for Donnie to follow him to the main door. A lost nod was given to Raph before his younger brother ran off, still surprised how Raph was able to walk after all his injuries.

Leo quickly shrugged it off, this wasn't going to be easy, they all knew that, but they were willing to risk it. Shredder needed to pay for everything he had done. Leo ran to the main door quietly, Donnie following him closely.

Once they arrived at the door he gave a nod to Donnie before he opened the door with a loud bang. Their eyes narrowed and became white as they cautiously ran into the room, their weapons drawn. It was just as they remembered. The long path leading towards the higher floor, with Shredder's throne.

The water with glass covering it at the sides and the fire places. The exact same place where their father had been held just months ago, almost being killed, and right now they were ready to kill the Shredder, once and for all.

Shredder was sitting on the throne, his eyes were painfully narrowed and a small smirk lingered on his scarred face, and before Leo or Donnie could even think about it being a trap, two strong paws grabbed their necks.

Leo and Donnie both cried out when they were hosted high in the air. Their hands were sealed along the single claw and they were struggling to get free already.

"Drop you weapons reptiles" Tiger Claw commended in a deep voice. None of them wanted to drop their weapons but the lack of oxygen made Leo rethink, and within seconds his swords fell to the ground, soon followed by Donnie's bo-staff.

"You were foolish to come to save him, he's long gone by now" Shredder smirked and signed for Tiger Claw to near him. Donnie and Leo both kept struggling on their way towards the Shredder, their hearts beating painfully against their chests.

Fish Face came seconds later and picked up their fallen weapons, bringing them towards the front as well, stopping just a few meters from the stairs leading to Shredder's throne and kneeling down, presenting Shredder the weapons.

"We would never leave him, you know that Shredder" Leo growled, gripping the claw once again, but the grip was strong, way too strong and there was no way out. Shredder let out a sinister laugh and stood up, walking over to Tiger Claw.

"That was the whole plan Leonardo, you needed to come for him. And now I have three of you" Shredder said, narrowing his eyes again as he was just in front of Leo, looking him directly in the eyes. Leo snorted and glanced back with the same hatred that flowed through Shredder's body.

"It doesn't matter right now, your little brother is long gone by now, you can't save him anymore" Shredder said, turning around again. Leo had always been good with self-control, and he was always the one to think his plans through, but hearing Shredder talking about his younger brother like that, he just snapped.

He let out a loud growl and ripped the tanto from under his bandages, slicing deep into Tiger Claw's skin. The mutant let out a loud roar of pain and immediately dropped Leo to the ground, followed soon by Donnie.

Tiger Claw recovered quickly and grabbed the sword from his back, trying to bring it down on the fallen turtle, but Donnie was quick enough to avoid it and jumped away. Shrieking at the sudden attack, the blade just missing his head.

Leo never felt so angry in his life before. He dived right into Fish Face, grabbing both his katana's, and even before Fish Face could grab his own weapon, a pathetic little knife which could do so much damage, the katana was already right through his stomach.

"This is for my brother" Leo hissed, venom dripping from his voice as he felt the blood flowing over his hands, the blood of the mutant in front of him, brutally killed. Fish Face had his eyes wide and slowly fell backwards, death.

Leo narrowed his eyes, there was a twinge of guilt, he never liked to kill but in life, it was killed or be killed. And he wasn't about to get killed, not today. Leo quickly placed one katana in his holder and grabbed Donnie's bo-staff.

"Donnie!" He yelled out loud as Donnie was dodging the attacks of the assassin and threw him the bo-staff. Donnie caught it with ease, grabbing it with both hands and immediately hitting the mutant tiger across the head, sending him backwards.

"Thanks.. LOOK OUT!" Donnie's came too late but it wasn't in vain, and the only reason why Leo would still be breathing was because of the warning. Leo cried out when he felt the strong fist of the Shredder hitting his left shoulder, forcing it out of its socket.

The knock would've been fatal if he hadn't moved away. Leo yelped as he fell to the ground, quickly evading the next attack by rolling away. He quickly jumped to his feet and took a few steps back, trying to get some distance.

"I'll crush you turtle for killing him" Shredder growled, which only angered Leo more. Shredder didn't care about Fish Face at all, he only cared about the stuff the mutant had done for him, the amount of money he had made for him, and being able to hold his ground against the turtles.

"Not a chance metal-head" Leo snapped back. Bringing his right hand to his shoulder and giving it a violent jerk forwards. An agonizing cry came from his mouth as the shoulder was popped back into its socket but he didn't pay attention to that, just quickly grabbing his swords again.

And for once, honor didn't matter, all that Splinter had taught him didn't matter, the only thing that mattered was revenge on the ruthless person in front of him. The one who brutally kidnapped and tortured Mikey.

The one that caused him to have all the nightmares, all the screams and pleads. The same man who also kidnapped Raph, doing who knows with him, until he seemed to be disconnected from the world, not caring about the wounds he carried.

Shredder snapped his blades out and let out a loud roar, charging in on the blue banded turtle. Leo's eyes narrowed and went white again, quickly dodging Shredder's attack. Both were out to kill, to mortally injure. Shredder wanted to capture Leo.

And Leo wanted to kill Shredder, he did with his whole heart, but Raph needed to do it. He would be the one to kill the Shredder, not him, not Donnie, not Mikey and not sensei.

Pain was radiating through his left shoulder but he pushed past it. The pain didn't matter, he needed to get Shredder into position so Raph could ambush him. And he would do everything to help his little brother.

TMNT.

Raph silently walked through the tunnels leading towards the back of the room. He was quiet, not even his breathing could be heard, not by the best ninja in the world. Raph always hated stealth, he just wanted to smack people, and fight with them, but right now he praised his father for teaching it to him.

He knew there was no one around, possibly Karai, but Shredder or one of his mutants couldn't hear him, or it would blow his surprise attack. And that was something Raph couldn't afford himself, not this time, not when he was revenging Mikey's death.

Suddenly a yelp escaped his lips as a sudden head rush attacked him. He let out a muffled scream and fell to the ground, clutching his head as pain radiated through. He had never experienced anything like it before, it was so intense Raph found himself unable to think.

It seemed to last for hours, but Raph knew it was only a small minute once the head ache was finally gone and he found himself curled up into a ball, his shell tightly pressed against the cold walls. Raph groaned slightly and hovered himself up, completely stunned by the few bruises that were now across his body.

He didn't know how he got them, but that didn't matter right now, he had to get to the throne before he would be too late, and Leo and Donnie were….. Raph shook his head as he started to run again, he couldn't think like that, they would be okay.

They had to be, or it would be his fault again. He hated that his sais had been taken away, ever since they were younger, Raph never left without them, only on rare occasions, when Splinter made them switch weapons and they disobeyed him for example.

And right now, how stupid it would sound, he missed them. They made him feel safe. He could protect himself with them, they were his weapons. Like Leo had his katana's, like Donnie mastered his bo-staff, and how Mikey was acting with his nun-chucks, his babies like he would call them.

Instead he carried around the two tanto's. The ones Leo would always carry around. Ever since the day he lost his katana's in the sewer and got attacked, when they were around 11 years old, he always carried them with him, Splinter wasn't too happy, they could hurt him if he fell wrong, but he insisted on carrying them around.

And right now Raph was grateful Leo did, at least he did have a weapon right now. They weren't as good as his sais, but it was something, something he could kill Shredder with. Make him pay for everything he had done to Mikey.

He quietly slipped through the door, already welcoming the sound of the battle. And he immediately noticed the absence of the robotic legs, belonging to Fish Face. He was either unconscious or… or he was gone forever.

Raph should've been feeling bad, or at least some remorse for the guy being killed. But he found nothing. He only found the hatred towards Shredder. He knew he was being heartless, but so were they. They tortured him within the inch of his life.

Silently Raph made his way over to the side, hiding behind the small trench that was forming because of the platform, the perfect hiding place. He carefully looked up, his eyes wide with concentration. Donnie was fighting Tiger Claw, he had some bruises and some shallow scrapes but apart from that he seemed fine.

Tired but fine. Leo was another story. You could clearly see the limp in his left arm, and always favoring his right arm. He was panting, but so was Donnie and as expected, Fish Face was lying dead on the ground, the large stab wound indicating it had been Leo.

There was so many blood, and Raph was actually relieved to see no pain written on the mutant's face, his death had been swift and somewhat painless. He wasn't the one that was the reason of his anger, he did horrible things too, but he never hurt Mikey, and his little brother wouldn't want him to suffer.

As expected Leo was slowly walking backwards, towards the throne, just as they had talked about. Leo would get Shredder to the throne so they could ambush him. Leo stepped closer, step after step while fending off the Shredder.

A few cuts were now bleeding but he didn't seem to be bothered by them that much. Another step was taken, he was so close to Raph now, just a few more steps. Raph silently drew his tanto's, ready to strike whenever Shredder was in place.

Another step was taken by Leo and suddenly the same head rush hit him, more intense this time. His hands flew to his mouth to cover up the painful groan. He doubled over and squeezed his head. Not now, not now. He cursed himself.

This wasn't the time, Leo needed him right now. He should be there to help his big brother but the head ache made it impossible to even move. His fingers were clawing at his head, waiting, begging for the pain to subside. It was worse than the last time and he felt like throwing up.

The cry of pain from his older brother was the first thing he heard after who knows how long. Immediately Raph jerked his head up, and widened his eyes in horror as he saw the blade sticking out of Leo's shoulder.

His hand was twitching violently and his sword fell to the ground. His hand slowly formed itself into a fist, his face full with pain. Blood oozing out of the stab wound. Raph bared his teeth and drew his tanto's, squeezing them for his dear life.

"Stay away from him!" Raph growled loudly, stealth didn't matter anymore, he had to save Leo right now. He jumped over the ledge, charging fully into the Shredder, not caring about the blood that was scraped along the wall, his blood.

"What the…" Before Shredder could even finish his sentence, a strong kick was delivered into his chest, taking him back by surprise. Raph never knew them very well, he never got the pressure points right, but with some quick jabs to the neck Shredder was paralyzed beneath him.

The man who tortured and murdered his little brother. Had captured him three times, beaten him for answers until he had been too scared to do anything. Nightmares plaguing him, almost being unable to eat, forcing him to mutilate himself to feel 'alive'

And the man responsible was right beneath him, paralyzed and unable to move. He could give him back the pain Mikey felt. The same pain he felt when Shredder had slashed him, but somehow he couldn't do it. He wouldn't turn into the same heartless monster.

"Remember my face Shredder, 'cause it will be the last face you'll ever see before you die" Raph growled, baring his teeth like some kind of animal. Raph grabbed the tanto in his right hand. The screams around him had died out already.

The gut-wrecking scream from Tiger Claw when his throat had been sliced completely ignored by Raph, all he could focus on was the man beneath him, looking as pathetic as ever. Hopeless under the effects of Raph's pressure points and the surprise attack.

"I hate you" Raph snarled and jabbed the tanto right in his neck. A loud gasp came from the man beneath him but all Raph could see was red, his blood boiling. His took the other tanto and sliced his neck, more blood splattering across his body.

"This is for ma brother!" Raph screamed with fury, slicing and mangling the skin of Shredder, unaware that the man had already died long ago, his eyes unfocused and staring into the dark void, never able to hurt anyone ever again.

He didn't know how long it had been but he stopped when suddenly two strong arms pulled him back. He snarled in rage, Shredder deserved it, he deserved every cut and every ounce of blood that was spilled.

"Raph you have to stop!" Donnie screamed, trying to hold Raph back. Raph was snarling, clawing at Donnie. Shredder deserved everything Raph was doing right now. He would kill him. Make him pay for doing everything to Mikey.

He let out a loud scream as another head ache hit him. It was worse, 10 times worse than before. His brains was being ripped in half, pain radiating through his whole being. Another agonizing cry escaped his lips and he dropped to the ground, screaming in pain as he was holding his head.

He felt hands on his shoulders, trying to pull him upwards but he couldn't place them. Another scream echoed through the hall as more pain radiated through his head. Tears were pouring down his face and he was shaking between two strong arms.

He immediately recognized them as Donnie's, and for once he allowed it. He welcomed the hug as he was crying. His body suddenly seemed to give out. He wasn't tired, he was exhausted and his whole body was hurting so much, pain overwhelming him.

"He deserves it… He killed him…. " Raph sobbed, shaking with fear. He had to kill him, he deserved it. "He killed Mikey… I'm sorry guys… Mikey I'm … so sorry" He continued to sob, holding onto Donnie as if his life depended on it.

"Raph… what are you talking about?" Leo whispered, placing a hand on Raph's scarred shoulder. Raph's head shot up at Leo's statement. Uncertainty all over him, disbelief. Leo took a deep breath, it hurt him to see Raph like this.

His body full with bandages, dried blood and dirt all over his body. His body painfully thin and his pupils as wide as they could possibly get. He had been shivering the whole time, twitching and jerking. Disorientated.

"Raph… listen to me" Leo carefully began, tipping Raph's chin up a bit. "Mikey's not dead Raph. He's in the lair right now, alive."


	10. Chapter 10

He would occasionally have dreams, nightmares or just vague dreams. And he would wake up, completely disorientated, not knowing what reality was or not. The world seemed to be spinning around him as his brain was trying to determine what was real.

His sub-conscious playing with him, attempting to draw him back into sleeping, but his body not allowing it to. His mind black and desperately trying to shake off the imagines, the same imagines he saw just a few seconds ago, the imagines that were so real and up-close.

And that was exactly how he was feeling right now, disorientated and his brain desperately trying to get answers. Mikey was dead, he knew he was. He had seen him getting brutally murdered right in front of him, and still Leo was suggesting he was alive, and at the lair.

It couldn't be, even if Mikey was dead, Shredder would never give him back to his family, never. He would keep him there, torturing him even more, giving him the illusion that no one would come for him, and thus breaking him.

"W-what do … you mean… he's alive?" Raph stuttered, unable to process what Leo had said. He heard it, but he couldn't understand what Leo was saying. Mikey couldn't be alive, there was no way he survived the attack. Ribs were poking against his plastron, it was impossible to survive that.

Leo opened his mouth to answer but Raph never heard the answer. The words seemed to disappear around him and a high sound made its way through his brain, practically tearing his brain apart. He never heard his own scream, but he knew it had to be there.

He could feel his knees scraping along the floor, his arms folding around his body and blood staining his hands, and he immediately knew that it wasn't Shredder's blood, not all of it because the blood he was feeling was streaming down the various cuts on his body, his blood.

And then everything went black.

TMNT

A low groan escaped his lips. His mind was pounding and his whole body was throbbing with pain. Something he hadn't felt in the last few days, and somewhere he was grateful for the pain. He hated the numb feeling, he hated feeling like he was disconnected from his body.

"Don, he's awake" Leo's voice was so soft and blurred that Raph almost couldn't hear it. Slowly he fluttered his eyes open, blinking a few times at the blinding light and it took him a few moments to recognize the battle shell and the soft blankets below him.

Leo and Donnie were standing around him, worried expressions on their faces while Donnie was holding a medical kit. Raph frowned slightly and attempted to sit up, immediately welcomed by a stabbing pain shooting through his body. His face crunched up in pain and he fell back on the ground.

"Easy Raph, you're injured" Donnie soothed, slowly rubbing Raph's plastron as he tried to calm him down slightly. This only caused Raph to be more confused. He wasn't injured, only his arm was, and maybe a few bruises, but he wasn't injured.

He groaned and tried to sit up again, slowly this time so he would hurt himself. Immediately he felt hands on his body, helping him with sitting up. He felt pillows and soft blankets supporting him and he sighed slightly, it felt comfortable for once.

"What happened Don.. and what is wrong with his eyes?" Leo said, tearing his eyes away from Raph to look at Donnie. Raph followed Leo's eyes in confusion, landing on his younger brother again. His hands were stained with blood and he was holding some pieces of small glass, also stained with blood.

Don sighed and carefully threw them away. "I think he was drugged Leo, his pupils are widened." Donnie explained before turning to Raph again. "I know you maybe don't want to talk about it… but did they give you something to drug you?" The question was something Raph had never expected.

Of course he wasn't. He wasn't crazy, Shredder didn't break him, and nobody gave him drugs or anything. He wanted nothing more than to tell them that.. but he couldn't. All he could think about was the pounding headache, which had started after they had given him water.

Water that tasted better like any other water Shredder had given him. Without the strange taste and yet familiar smell. And only then did he realize it wasn't water. His eyes widened slightly, they had forced him, of course they had.

"What did they do to ma?" Raph's voice cracked, absolutely terrified right now. He had no idea what was in the water. The only thing he knew was the fact he wanted to know. He wanted to know what that monster did to him, and how everything could still make sense.

"I can't tell Raph, I have to run some scans once we get back, but I wanted to check you up before we left" Donnie explained, gesturing to the bandages. Raph's eyes widened again, seeing the various bandages on his body, and the visible skin filled with bruises.

"What happened when I was out..?" Raph croaked, unable to take his eyes off the bruises and bandages. There were old and new ones, but Shredder never touched him, he never hit him after Mikey was dead, he never hurt him after… after they had forced him to drink.

"I'm not crazy.." Raph muttered, his head shooting towards Donnie. "I'm not crazy Donnie… I… I'm not … " He stuttered, trembling heavily. Leo and Donnie seemed to be shocked by his sudden outburst but Leo crouched forwards seconds after, engulfing Raph with a big hug.

"You're right Raph, you're not. Whatever they did to you isn't you. You're not crazy and Donnie will figure out what happened" Leo coed, slowly stroking Raph's head to comfort him. "Don, can you drive us home?" Leo asked as he looked up to his younger brother.

Donnie nodded slightly, seeing Raph tightly pressed against Leo's plastron, it would be best to get him home now. Slowly Donnie stood up and walked over to the wheel, starting the motor. Leo placed his chin on top of Raph's head, humming slightly in Japanese.

"Leo?" Raph slowly called out, slowly looking up to his older brother. "Is Mikey really… alive?" His lip was quivering slightly, his hands tightly gripping Leo's hands. Slowly Leo looked over to his younger brother, looking him into the eyes.

"Raph.. the night we rescued you… and you got re-captured" Leo stopped for a second and took a deep breath. "Mikey never got re-captured, he came home with us" Raph's eyes dropped, leaning forwards to Leo's plastron again, closing his eyes as realization hit him.

After he had woken up in his cell, after their failed rescue mission, Mikey never returned with him. They got him out, sparing him the torture. And yet he was, in a way. He wasn't crazy, he had seen his little brother, he had seen him getting tortured and beaten to death. He had imagined all of it.

Raph's body started shaking, trembling and tears starting to fall. Leo tightened his grip on his younger brother and pressed him closer. When he looked up he could see Donnie watching him through the mirror while driving slowly, a terrified and concerned expression on his face. Fear for his older brother.

"Raph, don't feel bad please. Whatever you saw, or didn't see wasn't you… Donnie will make you better" Leo whispered and placed a small kiss on his forehead. Finally after days his brother was back in his arms again, safe. Injured and drugged, but safe.

Slowly Leo started to hum the same Japanese lullaby again, the same one he would always sing to his brothers to calm them down. And clearly Raph remembered it, slowly falling limp into Leo's hold, crying and nuzzling into his brother's plastron.

TMNT

It wasn't a long drive to the lair but It seemed like it was. Leo could feel Raph constantly stirring in his hold, and groaning. Whatever they did to him made him delusional. Raph had no idea what he carried on his body, he didn't acknowledge the cuts and bruises on his body.

Not to mention the amount of blood he had all across his body, and Raph didn't seem to notice. And it concerned Leo big time. His pupils were widened and he was completely out of it, and he could only hope Donnie could create an antidote to help his younger brother, or it would wear off very soon.

"Leo, we're here" Donnie's voice suddenly cut in, snapping Leo out of his daze. The blue banded turtle looked up and nodded towards Donnie. They both helped Raph with getting up, supporting him with all the injuries he had on his body.

"I want to… see him" Raph panted, his face still filled with pain. Leo and Donnie seemed to doubt for a second, both looking at each other before back to their injured brother, who was now in between them, Leo and Don both holding an arm.

"Soon, but first we'll have to get you patched up." Donnie said, glancing over the injuries on his body. Donnie had checked for any serious injuries in the battle shell already but he had no time yet to clean everything completely, or stitch the cuts.

Raph looked confused, and even a little bit worried by the reactions of his brothers. Why wouldn't they allow him to see Mikey? Raph was slowly carried to the infirmary, and placed on the temporarily bed Donnie would always set up once they would get injured, clearly they had been expecting him.

Slowly Raph was lowered on the bed, his head resting against the thick pillow on the end. And despite the worry he was feeling, he relaxed for the moment. Leo immediately sat next to him, taking his hand and squeezing into it to assure him slightly.

"Alright Raph, I'm gonna take a little bit of blood from you, I won't hurt you okay?" Donnie said in a low tone as he approached his immediate older brother. Raph nodded slightly, he had never been afraid of needles, but for some reason he could feel his heart rate increasing until it was almost painfully.

He winced and looked away as Donnie pierced his skin with the needle, already starting to draw some blood from his body. The whole time Leo kept on whispering towards him, assuring him in Japanese, and for some reason Raph actually felt at ease listening to Leo's voice.

"Leo.. why won't ya guys show me Mikey?" Raph said, his voice harsher than he had intended. He didn't want to blow his brothers off but he couldn't help but to feel angry, his brothers were holding Mikey back for some reason. They would allow him to see Mikey if everything was okay.

And he was okay. He had some wounds but he wasn't unconscious and he would never hurt his little brother, so all the things Donnie had said about patching him up were nonsense, lies to keep him away from Mikey, and he didn't like it.

Raph grumbled slightly. Leo was looking at Donnie again, silently saying stuff to each other. He knew they were. They were talking about something, something he couldn't know and he hated it. His brothers weren't telling him something.

"Raph…. I know you want to see him but you can't yet" Leo said, sending a last glance towards Donnie. "Your mental condition… I don't think it's good for you, and Mikey, to see him." Leo added. Raph could only stare at his older brother at that comment.

His mental condition, he was really thinking the fact that he was drugged and tortured would stop him from seeing Mikey? Or would make him hurt his little brother, the one he had always vowed to protect. He would rather die than hurt him.

"I would… never hurt him Leo. Ya should know that" Raph rasped out, staring at his older brother, he couldn't believe Leo would even say that. And again, Leo and Donnie exchanged glances. Worry flickering over their faces, mixed with doubt.

"I know you won't, just let Donnie patch you up and test what happened to you okay? You need some rest." Leo said, giving a nod towards Donnie and stood up. "I'll inform Sensei that you're back, and Mikey" And with that Leo left the infirmary, leaving Donnie and Raph alone.

Raph rolled on the back of his head, staring at the ceiling above him. He knew there was no arguing with Leo, not now. He was injured, even if he didn't want to admit, but he was. He too could feel the searing and throbbing pain in his body. The stinging feeling in his arm, where the slashes were still present.

"I'm going to stitch your arm again, you ripped your stitches. Just tell me when to stop okay?" Donnie asked with a quiet voice, slowly unwrapping the bandages around his left arm. Raph winced slightly as he saw the cuts on his arm. Dried blood was on top of the wound, and the slashes were honestly horrifying.

Two were horizontal, and two were vertical. Almost like a hashtag sign but bigger and messy. Donnie came up to him with some kind of washing cloth and placed it on the wound. It was warm and Raph immediately understood Donnie was using it to wash away the blood, without hurting him even more.

Raph merely nodded as Donnie began to cut away the loose stitches on his arm once the blood was gone, the stitches Mikey had done to him when they were back with the Shredder, and just as the last time he could feel his heart rate increasing painfully, fear washing over him.

Once Donnie was done cutting the stitches away and removing them he started stitching it up again. After he was done he disinfected the newly stitched wound and wrapped it in clean bandages, immediately continuing to the next wounds.

And Raph was terrified by his condition. All over his body was dried blood, his body was covered with bruises and his arms and legs were full of cuts. There was a large slash on his leg and a huge black and purple bruise was covering his whole side, making it hard for him to breathe.

"I want to see Mikey, now" Raph grunted once Donnie was finally done with all his wounds. He tried to hover himself up with his arms but the pain was becoming too much and he collapsed on his shell again, grunting in pain, and before he could make another failed attempt to get up, a needle pierced his skin.

"You should sleep Raph" Donnie mumbled, tears in his eyes as he slowly released the sleep medicine in Raph's system. Raph wanted to cry out, anything to stay awake. He wanted to see his younger brother, he wanted to hug him again but soon the medicine took over his body and he fell asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

When Donnie entered the dojo he wasn't surprised to see Leo and Splinter already sitting in front of each other. Leo's head was gazing down and small tears were lingering in his eyes, a bandage around his shoulder. His father was sitting on his knees, a troubled look on his face, obviously having heard the news.

"Is he asleep?" Leo asked in a low voice when he noticed Donnie entering the dojo, looking up slightly. Donnie took a deep breath and walked over to Leo and sitting down, nodding in the process. Leo and Donnie both knew that they had done something horrible.

Drugging their brother and forcing him to sleep, but it had to be done. For both Mikey and Raph. They knew Raph would never hurt Mikey, but he was delusional, and there was a possiblility he would hurt Mikey, or maybe snap when he saw Mikey's condition.

And if Raph would attack MIkey, or break down right in front of him, it would only send Mikey over the edge, completely. They had to be smart about it, talk to Raph first before letting him see Mikey, talking about everything Mikey had gone through the last few days, when Raph was away.

"I feel horrible Leo, i have the feeling we shouln't have done that... Will he hate us?" Donnie whispered, tears slowly starting to stream down his face. His heart was aching painfully, his immediate brother had been so confused, his face filled with betrayal when Donnie practically drugged him.

"You've done well Donatello" Splinter said, trying to assure his second youngest son. "Raphael is mentally confused, and seeing Michelangelo could send both of them over the edge, we must be careful" Donnie sat down next to Leo, bowing his head slightly.

"He will not hate you for your actions but you cannot keep Raphael away from Michelangelo forever, at one point or another he will try to contact him, and you should be with him whenever that happens" They all knew that Splinter was right about that.

Raph had always been stubborn, and drugged or not, he would try to look for Mikey as soon as he could, they had to allow Raph to see him, or they would blow up evertyhing they had done in the last few days, and Mikey would want to see Raph too.

"Donatello, have made any progress on the mental state of Raphael?" Splinter interrupted their thoughts after a few seconds, obviously talking about the fact Raph had been drugged. Donnie took a deep breath and lifted his head slightly but shaking his head with sadness.

"No sensei, not yet, but i'll work on it until i know, i promise" Donnie stated in confident voice, and it was true. He wasn't about to rest until he was sure what had happened to Raph, and he knew how to cure him. He would do anything to fix this family again.

"You shouldn't over do yourself Donatello" Splinter said with a calm voice and stood up, resting a hand on Donnie's shoulder. "I will meditate on this matter, see what you can do my son" And with that he left the dojo, disappearing into his room and closing it, leaving Leo and Donnie alone.

TMNT

His hands were shivering, trembling and clenching the knife in between his hand. Tears were leaking down his face. He wanted to, he really wanted to but he couldn't. He just couldn't do it, he had promised Leo he wouldn't do it, not again.

He couldn't look anywhere else than the knife in his hands. His knuckles were turning white at the strain of squeezing them, but he couldn't ease his hands. He could only feel his stomach turning painfully every time he stared down at the knife and then back to his wrist.

He hated them, he hated them so much and the worst part was the fact he had brought them upon himself. He was the one to slice his own skin, but he deserved it. It should be him, he should be with the Shredder, not Raph.

His older brother had only tried to protect him but now he was captured, while he was home, safe. He hadn't told anyone, they wouldn't understand. They couldn't understand how the guilt was eating him away, making him sick inside.

"Mikey?" He hadn't noticed the door being opened, he hadn't noticed the ray of light shining into his room. Slowly his head lifted, revealing the red and puffy eyes, looking over to his oldest brother. Leo's face was contracted with worry, seeing Mikey state.

"I didn't Leo... i wanted to but i didn't... i never ..." Mikey hiccupped, glancing back at knife before looking at Leo , trying to explain himself but as always, he just shut down, unable to say another word, and as always, Leo didn't mind and just steppd into the room.

"I know you didn't Mikey, don't worry" Leo whispered, walking over to Mikey and sitting next to him. HIs left wrist was filled with scars, old and new ones covering his green skin, and Leo was relieved to find out there were no new ones.

Carefully he reached for Mikey's hands and began massaging them slightly, easing the contracted muscles in his fingers and allowing him to drop the knife into Leo's waiting hand. The blue banded turtle offered a small smile and placed the knife aside.

"I-i was worried L-Leo... you n-never came back and i t-thought... " Mikey tried, but failing as more hiccups wracked through him. Leo wrapped his arms around Mikey's shaking form, bringing him closer to his body.

"Don't cry Mikey, we got him out.. he's safe home" Leo coed, stroking MIkey's head to comfort him. They had told Mikey the night before that they would rescue Raph. It had taken them a few days but they finally figured out where Shredder held Raph, and they were going to rescue him.

They had all agreed Mikey couldn't go with them, it was too dangerous and Mikey could freeze when he'd see Shredder or anyone who held him captive in the last 7 weeks. But of course Mikey had been worried sick, staying up all night to wait for them, until exhaustion took over.

Leo found him, passed out on the bed last night and figured it was best to let him sleep for now. He was still healing after all. iIs feet were bruised badly, still painful from the stress position he was forced into, his body full with bruises and a deep cut right above his plastron, sewed shut with 16 stitches

Nobody knew how he got them, Mikey refused to talk about his captivity in the 3 days he'd been back, but they knew who did it, the Shredder. And it was obvioius Mikey wasn't ready to talk yet, not when Shredder was still out there, and Raph was still captured.

"Is he here..? Is he okay? They didn't do anything to him right?" Mikey sobbed, tears welling up in his eyes again, burrowing his head in Leo's plastron. Leo felt his stomach turn painfully, it was obvious Mikey had been extremely worried about his older brother.

They had all been, but Mikey had been captured before, twice. He knew what is was like, he knew the horrors that Raph had to face, all alone. And he was the one to be responsible, and his family didn't even know he was blaming himself for Raph's capture.

"He isn't Mikey" Leo managed to say, his heart beating painfully behind his plastron. "Shredder... did things to him, he hurt him Mikey" Leo continued. It hurt him to say it, but Mikey would figure it out one time or another. He needed to know now, before he actually saw Raph.

"C-Can i see him? Is he... awake?" Mikey stuttered, already ready to get up but Leo stopped him with a hand on his plastron, carefully avoiding the large cut above his plastron, which had been bandaged heavily to avoid any infection.

"He's still asleep but..." Leo passed for a few seconds. He honestly didn't want to tell his little brother, but he knew he had to. "Shredder drugged him for days.. he thinks you died, he saw how Shreder murdered you" Confusion washed over Mikey, taking in all the words but then realization took over.

His older brother had been drugged. Shredder had drugged him and somehow Raph thinks he was killed. His older brother thought he had died in there, while he wasn't even there. And Mikey couldn't even imagine how Raph had felt those days. A heavy shudder wracked through Mikey's body and Leo immediately pressed his little brother against his body.

"They gave him something to make him delusional... you were murdered right in front of him MIkey... he had been hurt after that but he doesn't remember... the drug made his brain block it all out or something, Donnie is still trying to figure out what is was" Leo explained, rocking Mikey back and forth sligthly.

Leo felt bad for lying to Mikey. He wasn't lying about everything that had happened, that was the truth, but Raph was already awake. Injured, disorientated but awake. But if he would tell Mikey Raph was awake, he surely would want to see him right away.

And they all knew Mikey could be just as stubborn as Raph, and they had just convinced Raph to stay until they had discovered what kind of drug was in Raph's system, and cure him before Raph could see Mikey. Leo shook his head slightly and just continued his story.

"When we rescued him he didn't acknowledge us and he didn't know he was injured... and only when he... when he killed Shredder he saw his injuries" Leo finished. Mikey's eyes widened at the last sentence. Killed Shredder, Raph had killed the Shredder.

"Shredder is... gone?" Mikey whispered, pulling out of the hug and looking into Leo's eyes. The slow nod was everything he needed. He didn't know what to feel. He was terrified, terrified for Raph's condition. Terrified for everything but he was relieved somehow.

If Leo was really speaking the truth, Shredder was really gone. And he could never hurt him ever again. They could walk around freely again, without having to live in fear the whole time. And Leo never lied to him about such a thing, never in his life. Leo wouldn't do such a thing.

"They are all gone Mikey... Tiger Claw, Fish Face, everyone. They'll never hurt you or Raph ever again" Leo whispered, giving a faint smile towards his youngest brother. All emotions flashed over Mikey's face, but Leo was eventually greeted by the same faint smile.

"I want to see him Leo... i need to" Mikey suddenly whispered. His eyes were filled with tears but he wore the same small smile he had just seconds ago. The usual dull eyes that he had worn the last few days were brightening a bit again, showing traces of his old self, before he got captured.

"MIkey... You can't just yet. Raph's still out of it, and he's still drugged. It's better for you to wait until we figure out what happened to him" Leo said, trying to sound as gently as possible. He didn't want to keep Mikey away from Raph, honestly. But it was probably the best thing to do.

Mikey's face fell slightly, gazing down again. Slowly he placed his head on top of Leo's shoulder and Leo drew him somewhat closer again, smiling slightly when he recognized Mikey's sign of defeat, showing that he understood, and accepted that he couldn't see Raph, not yet.

"Don't worry Mikey, i'm sure he'll be happy to see you... but for now it isn't smart, dangerous even... we don't know what they did to him, for all we know he can attack you and.." Leo was cut off by a hand being forced on top of his mouth.

"Leo... stop it. I get it alright? focus on curing him for now okay? Just promise you'll tell me when he wakes up" Mikey said in a low voice, gazing over to Leo. The blue banded turtle was shocked for a few seconds, not expecting Mikey to give up this easily but eventually nodded.

"I will, don't worry." Leo assured Mikey and stood up, offering Mikey a hand. "Come on, i'll get you some breakfast and then i'll help Donnie alright?" MIkey grinned slightly and took Leo's hand, much to Leo's surprise.

Mikey hadn't left his room that much in the last few days, always finding shelter in his own room, where he was safe. But right now, something seemed to have changed, Mikey was starting to be Mikey again. And although he was still far from it, he was slowly getting back on his feet.

TMNT

"Hey Raph, i brought you some food" Leo said as he entered the lab the next morning. He was pleased to see Raph was already awake, and by the looks of his pupils it seemed like the drugs were beginning to wear off slowly. He was still clearly tired, but he was more aware of everything.

"Thanks" Raph mumbled under his breath, shifting in his bed slightly. An IV was in the crook of his underarm, providing him with some painkillers, as he was already starting to feel the pain from all his wounds, and with the useful nutrients to keep him healthy.

Leo flashed a grin as he handed Raph the food. His younger brother was still a bit moody, and in a way he seemed scared but of course he was trying to cover it up. Raph was a little anxious at first but eventually gratefully began to eat the food Leo had given him.

"So, how's MIkey?" Donnie whispered, dragging Leo backwards a bit so Raph wouldn't hear it. Leo glanced back to Raph, taking in his little brother's body, filled with bandages and bruises. Just how they had brought MIkey back the first time.

"He's doing better actually... he's still on the edge and scared but he's in the living room right now, Father's with him" Leo explained, and it was true. Although Mikey was still very scared, he allowed Leo to take him outside, something he hadn't done in the last few days, only when they had forced him.

"So, have you figured out what kind of drugs they've used?" Leo said after a few seconds, trying to keep his voice low so Raph wouldn't accidently hear it. Donnie let out a long sigh and took some papers from his desk, showing them to Leo.

"Don't pretend like I ain't here." Raph growled from the bed, attempting to lift himself up slightly but collapsing immediately as pain shot up his arm from the slashes. Donnie and Leo looked at each other for a few seconds, but Raph had to know, it was his body after all.

"I haven't been able to determine what really was used but it think it had been LSD, Lysergic acid diethylamide, although it doens't entirely fit, i think someone tempered with it" Donnie explained, handing Raph the papers too.

"So what does that mean, and what can we do about it?" Leo asked, actually quite scared about Donnie's confession. It sounded pretty serioius, hearing what Shredder had used on him but he had no idea what LSD even meant, and what it did.

"LSD is a strong type of drug, known for causing strong hallucinations, confusion as in time, memories, places or even the loss or change in memories. But there are other components in it, which i still have to look for" Donnie said, trying to make it sound as easy as possible.

"And what do we do about it? Can you create an antidote or something?" Leo asked, taking Raph's hand as he noticed his younger brother was starting to tremble, hearing everything that has been done to him. He wouldn't admit it, but he was afraid, hearing everything that had been given to him.

"Nothing really... the drugs will wear off eventually, i'm just afraid that you'll be creating an addiction to it" Donnie said with a low voice. He had been given strong drugs for a few days straight, mangling his mind, and breaking him mentally.

There was a high change he could be addicted to the drug, his mind urging him to go back to that drugged state. And it would be tough getting Raph off that if he was really addicted. Donnie just hoped this wasn't the case and they could help both Raph and Mikey very soon, and help them recover.

"Donnie i ain't..." Raph started, wanting to protest about his 'addiction' but froze mid-sentence, staring in front of him with wide eyes, his breath hitching in his throat slightly. Leo and Donnie both froze too, concerned about their brother suddenly behavior. They wanted to say something but a voice behind them made them stop.

"Raphie.." MIkey's voice was soft and raspy. Donnie and Leo both whipped their head around hearing Mikey's voice, seeing him standing in the door opening of the infirmary, his arms crossed in front of his plastron, hugging and clawing at them uneasily.

"Mikey" Raph breathed out, unable to take his eyes off his baby brother. He was slightly pale, and his wrist was angry red from all the cuts, his upper plastron totally bandaged and his skin filled with healing bruises, just like Raph remembered, how he had wanted to remember his youngest when he died.

They were all quiet for a few moments before Mikey started to limp towards his olderbrother, still feeling the strain on his feet because of the stress position but carrying on nevertheless, all he could focus on was his older brother.

A few tears appeared in Raph's eyes as Mikey limped towards him. MIkey let out a chocked sob and wrapped his arms around Raph, practically jumping onto the bed, ignoring the light pain it caused him. He could only feel his older brother next to him, finally hugging him after all those days.

"I missed ya Mikey" Raph whispered, pressing Mikey closer to his body, for once not caring about his brothers' reactions. Mikey smiled through his tears and nuzzled his face in Raph's hold, leaning against Raph's plastron without straining his injuries.

"I love you Raphie" Mikey whispered back snuggling closer to his older brother and crying in his hold.


	12. Chapter 12

It was so dark, so incredibly dark and yet Raph could see everything. Every shadow around him, the chains holding him down and the blurred creature in front of him. The hideous face hid behind the iron mask, too ashamed to show his face.

Raph's teeth were bared as he was thrashing against his restraints holding him down. He was furious, as furious as he could possibly be. Mikey was squirming with all his might to get to the ground again, his hands clawing at the strong hand wrapped around his throat.

His skin was slowly turning blue, the oxygen deprivation slowly becoming too much. He needed to help him, get his brother free. He snarled, screamed for the Shredder. To let his brother go, to take him instead but nothing helped. Shredder threw his head back and laughed.

"Why would you give your life for such a pathetic creature?" He laughed, dropping Mikey to the ground. A sickening crack echoed through the room as Mikey's leg twisted the wrong way, bone poking at the skin but Mikey didn't cry out.

The fragile body of his baby brother curled up into a ball, wheezing for air as tears streamed down his face. His eyes squeezed shut and his arms protectively over his head, covering his face for another inevitable attack, but he also knew that attempt was futile.

"He's not pathetic, he's ma brother!" Raph snarled, jerking his restraints. Blood was seeping down his whole body, covering his whole body with his own blood, coming together under his knees. Again Shredder laughed and picked up Mikey,

The freckled turtle cried out and widened his eyes with fear, thrashing weakly to escape. Raph screamed for him and within a second he was gone, smoke appearing where he was just seconds ago, leaving him all alone. The chains around his wrists snapped and he fell forwards, landing on his plastron.

His body was littered with deep and long cuts, life-threatening he knew but he couldn't care less. It didn't hurt, he couldn't feel any pain, he couldn't feel anything beside the guilt, practically crushing him into the ground, shattering every bone in his body.

He groaned and stood up, his eyes narrowed as he dashed forwards, trying to locate his younger brother, he had to, he had to find him. He couldn't fail him, he had promised he would protect him. Leo and Donnie would abandon him if Mikey would be killed, they would hate him.

They would send him away, force him to live anywhere else. He had failed Mikey, couldn't protect him. They would hate him and he had nowhere else to go. Casey and April would hate him too, for killing their little brother, he had to protect him, he had to save his baby brother.

He squeezed his eyes shut when a blinding light hit his eyes. He blinked a few times, trying to determine where he was, and he quickly recognized it as Shredder's chamber. The path with the water on both sides and the throne at the end of the path.

Raph's eyes widened when he saw Shredder, he was sitting on the throne. Mikey's limp body next to him on the ground, and his head in one hand. Blood was dripping down on the ground from where his head had been removed from the rest of his body.

His face contracted with pain as he was finally put out of his misery. It couldn't… Mikey, he couldn't be dead. A sob escaped his lips as he fell to the ground, clutching his head. Screaming in rage as tears streamed down his face.

"You killed him Raphael" Itt was Leo, the body of his older brother, their leader standing next to him, looking down, and at the same time it wasn't him. The voice was angry, harsh. A tone he would only use when talking to the enemy.

"But you are the enemy Raphael" Donnie cut in, kicking Raph in his stomach, making him tumble backwards, landing on his shell with a loud bang. His eyes deadly cold and glaring at him, his eyes white, hollow and narrowed with anger.

"You killed me Raphie, it's because of you I'm gone" Mikey beamed, watching him with the same hollow white eyes. His whole body was dripping with blood, gashed and cuts all over his body. The two slashes over his eyes streaming with blood again, filling his eyes with the thick blood.

"No… I didn't.. I tried Mikey, I really tried" Raph cried, covering his eyes with his hands. It couldn't be, Mikey was dead and it was all his fault, they were right. He had killed him, killed his own brother. He wasn't fast enough.

"Why didn't you come for me Raphie?" Mikey whispered. Blood was dripping down his body, blending in with Raph's blood. He wanted to scream, to run but he was frozen in place. He could only stare at his brothers around him.

Blood on all of them, gashes and deep cuts on their bodies. Their eyes white and their skin as dark as the shadows around them. And Shredder was just laughing, snickering because of his pain. The painful beating of his chest, it felt like he was being crushed.

"I am most disappointed in you Raphael" Splinter beamed, standing next to Shredder, a blade next to his throat and Shredder ready to kill him, and yet he wasn't fighting back, only staring at his second oldest son in disappointment.

"You let your rage control you, and because of your actions Michelangelo had to pay. I am disappointed my son" He said in a fierce tone, narrowing his eyes. "You are a disgrace for this family, I wish you would've been killed instead of Michelangelo"

And before Raph could even do anything the blade sunk through his neck, detaching his head from his body. He fell to the ground with a heavy thud, blood covering the whole floor and streaming down the few stairs.

Raph cried out, his heart was being ripped apart. His father's body lying on top of Mikey's body, lifeless, blood all around them. Their heads separated from their bodies, and it was all his fault. He couldn't stop him from killing Mikey, and he only stared as Shredder slit his father's throat.

"How does it feel Reptile, hurting your own family?" Shredder snickered, approaching him with heavy steps. He wanted to thrash out, escape but before he knew a strong hand was put on his plastron, putting him down, Shredder smiling down at him.

"I didn't…" Raph rasped, trying to get Shredder's hand away, but it was too strong. He could feel his bones cracking beneath the pressure but no pain made its way through his body. He was completely numb.

"You are useless Raphael, you killed your own brother. He begged for you, begging for me to stop the pain, every new cut I gave him, every time I whipped him, and you never came. You didn't deserve him" Shredder spat, pressing down harder.

"No, that's not true! Get away… get away… get away" He stammered, thrashing with his arms. Another hand was placed on his plastron, softer this time and that's when he lashed out. His fist connecting with the side of Shredder's face.

A shrill cry came from his mouth and he fell to the ground. Raph froze. It wasn't the Shredder. The cry was not his, it was Mikey's cry. Soft but still a cry of pain. And only then he recognized the soft bed beneath him, the smell of the lab and Mikey on the ground, next to his bed and his hand pressed against his cheek, tears in his eyes.

And he immediately realized what he'd done. He had hit baby brother.


	13. Chapter 13

They were mostly silent as they watched the sleeping form of their brother. The only sound coming from Raph, softly breathing in and out in the middle of the lab, laying in the make-shape bed, almost peacefully. Bandages wrapped around his limbs, and almost everywhere for that matter, scrapes all over his body.

Mikey was softly holding onto Raph's hand, occasionally squeezing it but other than that remaining silent, keeping his eyes glued to the ground, unable to look at all the various injuries on his brother's skin, and the bandages covering most of them. Guilt seeming to crush him from within.

Donnie was in the corner of the lab, still working on the drugs that had been forced into Raph's body. Which had proved to be more difficult than previously thought. Donnie had indeed concluded that LSD was one of the drugs and on top of that, another strong hallucination drug called psilocybin had been mixed with it.

And if was clear that Baxter Stockman, or whoever had worked for Shredder, had tempered with it even more. Forcing the drug to cause certain hallucinations, like Mikey being killed and Raph not feeling his injuries and completely forgetting about it, making the formula more and more complicated than originally thought.

Making an antidote was difficult with all the different components, but Donnie wasn't about to give up so easily, in fact he wouldn't stop before he had one. The sooner they cured Raph, the sooner Mikey and him could start healing again, and that would already be difficult. And the lack of sleep was already starting to show.

Mikey was so different since he got back a few days ago, he rarely talks and rarely goes out of his room. And now Raph is here, he never leaves the lab. He had no visible injuries apart from the fading bruises and the slash above his plastron, and of course the slight limp he still had from the stress position.

But he had scars, the same scars he had 6 weeks ago. The slash on his eye, the huge cut on his arm, and more cuts all over his body. And the small time he'd been back with the Shredder, old wounds had opened again, mental wounds that were just starting to heal, bleeding once again, and once again taking the time to heal, if they would ever.

And on top of that, Mikey's wrist were starting to become filled with cuts and scars. In the last 6 weeks he had never cut himself again, always preventing himself before he did so, but after having been re-captured and had to re-live every horror all over again; he just snapped mentally, and he started again.

His family tried to help him, they really did but they couldn't help him. He didn't do it often but he wanted to, he needed it to gain control. After a nightmare, or a night terror, a flashback or panic attack, he always wanted to. He knew it was wrong, and he shouldn't do it, but he wanted to.

Donnie never had to stitch them like the first time Mikey cut himself. They were deep scratches, no real cuts, but they were bleeding and it scared his family to see Mikey that way. Urging to do harm to himself. Donnie did a lot of research about, when he wasn't busy looking for Raph, and found it was pretty common for those people.

People who experienced such a thing, like being captured and tortured, would often harm themselves to gain control again, or to punish themselves for whatever reason. And that was exactly what was happening to Mikey. He had only done it twice in the few days he got back, and Raph was still with the Shredder.

But Leo had caught him many times slamming his fists into walls just to get a reaction, a twinge of pain or a bruise, or his fingers digging into his palms, preventing him from doing cutting himself again. After the first time he had promised Leo he would never do it again, but obviously he did it another time.

Leo had been disappointed, but he wasn't angry at Mikey, far from it. He was just concerned about Mikey's mental health, and had stayed with his youngest brother for the rest of the night, allowing Mikey to snuggle close. Even if Mikey trusted his brothers, he never talked to them, not even to his father.

He didn't talk at all, not about what happened, or how Raph was doing. And the rest hated it, though Mikey had assured him Raph was alive and not injured too much. They had seen Raph the night they rescued Mikey, but they hadn't seen him up close, and couldn't check on him. There could've been serious invisible injuries, but that wasn't the case.

Leo sighed slightly and glanced towards his baby brother sitting next to Raph. A hot cup of chocolate milk in his hands, with a lot of whipped cream on top of it. Just the way Mikey liked it. Raph was still unconscious in his bed, his eyes closed. Sometimes he would weakly thrash but apart from that he was still out of it.

Donnie was still working on the drugs in Raph's system, as expected. Making a mental note to send his younger brother to bed in a few minutes he walked over to Mikey. He grabbed a chair along the way and set it down next to Mikey, carefully handing him the cup he just made seconds ago and still warm.

"Thanks" Mikey muttered, his voice heavy and strained. His two hands sealed along the warm glass and he slowly took a few nips, enjoying it as it warmed him a little bit. Leo smiled slightly and wrapped his arm around Mikey's shell, carefully rubbing circles on it and comforting Mikey while he drank his cup.

"He's gonna be okay Mikey, he'll be fine in no time" Leo said, trying to assure Mikey that way but honestly he wasn't even sure himself. Raph had been completely out of it mentally. He was disorientated by the drug, he didn't know about his injures and he had even hit Mikey in his dream.

Leo closed his eyes as the horrific memory replayed itself. He still remembered the terrified screams coming from his younger brother, thrashing in his bed and muttering to himself. He couldn't hear everything he had said, but he caught things like 'get away' and 'I'm sorry'. His brother had been pleading, and begging.

He was thrashing so hard, despite all his injuries and it was like he wasn't even there. His eyes were opened but they were all weird and unfocused. And they had immediately concluded it was the drug that was still in his system. His body trying to fight it off, but his brain refusing to do so.

Mikey had been watching his older brother the whole night, never even daring to leave him, and suddenly he had started to moan, sweating and thrashing slightly, which increased within minutes, until Mikey was forced to hold him down, but unable to do so because Raph was too strong.

Donnie and Leo had come running into the lab when they heard the screams of Mikey, begging for help. They didn't even succeed to hold Raph down with the three of them; Raph had been too strong, and whatever night terror he was having, it was a bad one, a very bad one. But nobody had expected him to do it.

Mikey was on the left, while Leo and Don were on the right, and before any of them could react, Raph had hit Mikey on the cheek. Not a hesitant slap, but a strong fist, causing him to fall on the ground. Raph's moments had stopped the moment he had looked Mikey in the eyes, his own widening with hurt, realization washing over him.

He had tried to speak, apologize for hitting him but was stopped when a scream escaped his throat, arching his shell and landing on his bed again, curling up in a pitiful ball, whimpering and begging while holding his head in pain, his eyes closed and rocking in his position, tears streaming down his face.

He was forced into his dream again, imagining things while his body was trying to wake up. At least that was what Donnie had explained afterwards. He was awake technically, but his mind was still sending him the images of the night terror, or rather the drug was giving him those images. And the fact that his brain was rejecting it, or trying to reject it, was the cause of his agonizing pain.

Eventually they had to sedate Raph because he was hurting so much because of the drug, both mentally and physically. He was begging for them to make the pain stop, and to go away at the same time. They had no idea when he was talking for real, or talking to his nightmares but they had knocked him out eventually.

Mikey had been frozen in place, his hand holding his cheek and his baby blue eyes wide with fear, tears brimming in the blue orbs. He had been so scared afterwards, not because of the hit, but because of the reason Raph hit him, the drug that was still coursing through his body, and giving him so much pain. And all because of him.

"It's hurting him" Mikey whispered after a few silent minutes. Leo slowly lifted his head, looking to his baby brother. Mikey's eyes red and puffy and tears in his eyes. They could only wait right now, wait for Raph to wake up and for Donnie to completely the antidote to cure Raph. And eventually clear his system from all the remains of the drug forced into him.

"I know" Leo sighed after a while and drew his little brother closer, allowing Mikey to lean on top of his shoulder. Mikey let out a soft whine but didn't struggle against Leo's hold, closing his eyes in relief. Leo could feel Mikey leaning more and more against him, his breathing even and steady. And Leo was grateful it was.

Raph looked so awfully vulnerable. He seemed smaller than he had ever been, more hurt than the time he fell down the sewer when he was younger, he seemed like someone else. Not the fierce and brutal little brother Leo knew, and even if he didn't want to say it often, he loved Raph so much and he would die for him.

So it hurt him to see the once strong brother so vulnerable. Wounded and scarred in the bed, unconscious and still under the effect of whatever drug Shredder had given him. Not to speak of the mental damage he had done to both Raph and Mikey, and it would be hard to fix their family again.

But neither of them were giving up on them.


	14. Chapter 14

Days slowly turned into weeks, and still Raph's body didn't make a single move, not even a single twitch. Only a soft moan would occasionally slip past his parted lips. Tubes were now pushed past his nostrils and a breathing mask has been inserted on top of his beak, his breathing irregular and weak despite everything Donnie had tried.

Donnie was at his end, working day and night to cure Raph, nights Leo or Splinter had found his past out in the lab, sleeping and drooling right on top of his notes, or his cheek laying on top of some chemicals. They were lucky none of them were damageable to his skin, or they would really be in some trouble.

Leo was 'surprisingly' on a guilt trip, the words 'if I' being spoken around the lair driving everyone crazy. If I had only been stronger, if I had only been faster, if I had only kept Mikey in the lair that night, every single day. He thought I couldn't hear it, that I was sleeping but I always heard everything they said.

I rarely left Raphie's room, always watching over him. I knew I was exhausting myself because of it but I also knew there wasn't another option. I couldn't go to sleep, every attempt ended up with me screaming like a little baby, and my family storming into my room, and every time they were worse than the last one.

I never talked about any of them, I never talked about what happened back with the Shredder. I had no idea why I didn't but every time I tried, I just shut down. I wasn't ready, at least that was something I told myself, and every time I couldn't help but wonder 'will I ever be ready to tell them?' I simply wasn't safe, nowhere.

Shredder was dead, they told me about his dead. My brothers had fought against him and eventually killed all of his mutant servants, including Shredder himself. And even with him gone, I was still in danger, being haunted by all the horrifying memories that were forced upon me, sliced into my skin along the countless gashes.

The same scars that were now on Raph's body. His whole left arm was wrapped up with bandages and underneath those terrible scars. And no matter how hard I tried, I could never bring myself to look at them. It would only bring back memories, the blood that oozed out of the wound, and the warm liquid over my hand when I stitched it.

Droplets of sweat were dripping down Raph's forehead, his body was desperately pulling him back into a coma due to the remaining of the drug in his system while his mind was begging him to wake up. I didn't understand half of the things Donnie told me, but I understood one thing, it was causing him pain. Even in his half-coma state it was giving him excruciating pain.

My fingers clenched, digging into my thighs. Unintentionally I gritted my teeth and let a huff of air escape my mouth. He never moved but every night I could hear him moaning softly in pain And hearing that he was hurting that much, just broke my heart. All the bandages on his body, the bruises that were slowly fading after all these weeks.

And still Raph didn't wake up. I knew what Shredder was capable of, I've seen it up close and that was something I honestly never wanted to see again. A sharp pain made its way through my right eye, right through the slashes and I gasped slightly, trying to hide the soft sound, it wasn't real, none of the pain was real.

And still I could feel the blade digging through my skin, slowly and agonizing making its way through my right eye, leaving two ugly gashes that would always be a reminder of that day. Blood pouring into my eyes, Raph screaming near me, trying to reach for me. The pain trailed towards my plastron and blood began to pour out of it.

The pain was excruciating and familiar at the same time. My chest restricted as I took another deep breath, only earning me a stabbing pain. I gasped again, louder this time and before I could stop myself my hand flew to my chest and my eyes snapped open. Before anyone could do something it hit the ground, plastron first.

"My son!" I knew it was my father, and yet I couldn't recognize his voice. Warm hands were placed on my shoulder and I cried out softly in pain, feeling myself being turned over onto my shell. Footsteps, running towards me, and I was surprised to hear Donnie's soothing voice next to me.

"Mikey listen to my voice, you have to calm down" His voice was soft but I could still hear the strain in it. The exhaustion clearly present in his voice. My breaths were coming out in short little gasps and my lungs were starting to protest, I could only feel the pain radiating through my whole being.

"Focus on your breathing little bro, you're having a panic attack" Leo's voice soothed and I vaguely noticed the thumb stroking against my cold cheek. I whimpered slightly and tried to reach for him. Immediately his hand wrapped around mine, squeezing it comfortably, a soft moan escaped my lips.

I rolled my head to the side and allowed my eyes to close, I was so tired. Not just physically, I was mentally tired. Of everything that was happening right now. I wasn't as strong as the rest, I wasn't able to conquer all the nightmares. I was over them, I learned to live with them, and right now they were worse.

I couldn't do anything besides, sitting down and just staying at Raph's side, everything would freak me out. The TV couldn't be turned on when I was awake, I wasn't allowed in the kitchen anymore. Even the beeping noise of the microwave set me off. Again a moan escaped my lips as I reached for my side, brushing against the faint scar.

I didn't remember it at all, but Donnie had told me I collapsed right on top of the small kitchen knife once another seizure had hit me. I couldn't think, never could. It would only bring back the memories I was desperately trying to block out. The nightmares I was trying to avoid, and the bags under my eyes I was trying to hide.

Slowly I felt my upper body being lifted and my head rested on something hard yet comfortable. I recognized the rough texture of my brother's plastron but I had no idea who's it was. And at the moment I didn't care. It felt like something was crushing down on my plastron, making it hard to breathe and sending waves of pain through my body.

"It isn't real Mikey, you're safe home" I knew I was, and yet I couldn't stop the imagines that flashed right in front of me. I softly cried out as my eyes rolled in the back of my head, my muscles starting to spasm. And then everything went black.

TMNT

"Guys, give him some room!" Donnie yelled as the first spasm wracked through Mikey's body. I immediately jumped backwards, making room for my little brothers. Donnie immediately rolled Mikey on his side and a gasp followed soon. I winced as another spasm made its way through Mikey's fragile body.

My father's arms wrapped around me but I could only concentrate on the convulsing body in front of me. He was on his back again and gasping for air while his muscles and limbs continued to spasm. Donnie couldn't do anything besides talking to him. We couldn't restrain him, only keep him away from the weapon rack so he wouldn't injure himself.

Seconds passed and Mikey kept jerking and convulsing on the ground. I counted the seconds, the minutes that passed. I knew Donnie was counting too but I had to do something, I couldn't just stand here while my genius brother was doing everything he could to get Mikey out of his seizure.

One minute he was just fine, meditating with father and the next moment I heard a loud thud and saw Mikey, gasping and holding his plastron. His breaths coming out in short gasps, obviously having a panic attack. He was crying out in pain but there were no injuries that could possibly cause him any pain, and we all knew what was going on, he was remembering him again.

I don't even think he knew he was screaming Raph's name through all of this, but he did. And every time that name left his mouth it felt like I was being stabbed all over again. His voice so desperate and longing for his older brother. I wasn't blaming him for calling Raph instead of Donnie, father or me, they both went through hell. So it was obvious Mikey would seek comfort with him.

But it hurt me because my little hot-headed brother was still knocked out, and Mikey wouldn't be getting the comfort he desperately wanted to have. Someone who knew what has happened to him, someone who understood him. We tried to understand, but Mikey wasn't ready to tell anything, and we didn't know anything.

3 minutes and 47 seconds, that's how long Mikey was convulsing on the ground, his convulsions slowly vanishing until only his limp body remained. Donnie placed Mikey's head on top of his lap and gently tipped his head to the side so he could breathe more easily. Tears were silently streaming down Mikey's face and he was just staring.

Carefully I untangled myself from father's hug and walked over to my two younger brothers, kneeling down next to them and slowly running my thumb along Mikey's face, wiping away a single tear. His blue eyes tiredly reached mine and I gave him a soft smile. Immediately his eyes fell and he looked away ashamed, tiredness in his eyes.

"I'll take him to Raph" I offered, Donnie nodded as I carefully lifted Mikey up bridal style, one arm under his knees and one supporting his shell. Mikey pressed his beak against my plastron and closed his eyes tiredly. I gave Donnie one last look before walking outside the dojo and slowly making my way towards Raph's room.

We've tried countless times to get Mikey to sleep in his own room, but no matter what we did, he always ended up in Raph's room. He would always wake up screaming because of another nightmare and more exhausted than ever. And he would always crawl back to Raph's room, curling up against his older brother in the hope he'd wake up, but he didn't.

I sighed as I lowered Mikey next to the sleeping form of my hot headed little brother. At least that is what I told myself every time. Raph was sleeping and not in some kind of forced coma. The drug that was still in his system was something that wouldn't harm him, it wasn't causing him pain and he would wake up after a long nap.

But it was a lie. And every time I brought Mikey to bed, whether he passed out on the couch from exhaustion or after having a seizure like a few minutes before, every time I was forced to face the lie right in front of me. If I had only been more decisive, Mikey shouldn't have gone out that night.

I softly covered my baby brother with a blanket and he immediately curled up against Raph, nuzzling his face into his warmth, and still Raph didn't respond to his touches. The scars on Mikey's wrist were fading slowly, but they would never fully disappear. And even after all those weeks, the scars still horrified me.

Not just the ones he made himself, but also the ones Shredder forced upon him. Every time I carried his youngest brother, or would hug him my fingers would always brush along the marks on his arm, and every time I saw my little brother, I was confronted with the two slashes over his eyes, the one on his left arm, all the way from his shoulder to his arm pit.

The rough texture on his other shoulder where the knife had been jabbed into his skin. The hard material on his side cracked because of the knife. The scarred skin where Shredder stabbed his knee and the numerous burn marks all over his body. The second time didn't leave a lot of physical injuries, but he was severely wounded mentally.

The scar above his plastron from the last time had already healed completely but it had left a large scar, and it would be as visible as the other cuts and scars. His wrist was getting better, apart from those two times he never did it again. I found him struggling to prevent it, or slamming his hands into the wall but he never cut himself again and while he still had a long way to go, he was healing slowly.

If I had only been stronger that night. My eyes closed for a bit and I sat down on the ground, my shell against the wall and burying my face in my knees. If I had only been faster I could've prevented all of this. Then Raph wouldn't be in his room in this coma because of the drug, he wouldn't have to be hooked up to all these machines.

Mikey would still be healing but getting better slowly, Raph wouldn't have been tortured too, and at the same time Shredder would still be alive. A small smile made its way over my face. That was the only positive thing about everything, and the fact that Karai was finally back with us, with her father.

After Shredder's death, and his mutant servants, the foot bots couldn't work anymore and they shut down. The few remaining humans quit their jobs, most of them were already forced to work for the Shredder and after his death they had no reason to stay in the foot clan. And they could quit without fleeing the city.

Once we heard it we immediately made a plan and went back to Shredder's lair. It was cruel to leave Mikey alone like that only a day after Raph was back, but with nobody to care for her, Karai would only suffer the longer she stayed there, and eventually die. We found her in a room next to shredder's room and they were both relieved to see no wounds on her.

There were some bruises on her but those were only from times she tried to escape, apart from that she was uninjured. We had taken her home directly afterwards and had accepted her into the family. Splinter was so happy to see his daughter once again. Raph hadn't seen her yet, they rescued Karai after he had punched Mikey in his 'fever' dream, and he hadn't woken up ever since.

Mikey had accepted her right away. And even though he knew Karai would never harm him, he wasn't comfortable around her just yet. She was the adopted daughter of the Shredder, the one to hurt him and Raph. Torture him and scarring him beyond repair. The cause why their little family was so messed up right now.

Mikey mumbled something in his sleep and whimpered slightly. Quietly I stood up and walked over to the bed. Mikey was still curled up against Raph but tears were now streaming down his face. I knew he was having a nightmare, but for once I didn't wake him up. He was tired and he needed his sleep for now. Though I knew he would wake up really fast.

My hand slowly stroked his cheek and eventually rested on Raph's forehead. He was still a little bit warmer than our normal temperature, but it was way better than a week ago. There were fading bruises all over his body, his knee has been wrapped up tightly and so was his ankle. Donnie had explained that the drug was blocking all the injuries out.

He didn't feel the pain of the injures, but he worsened the damage by still standing while both his knee and ankle had been sprained. His wrist was dislocated and the chip in his plastron had been re-opened. Now going all the way down to the middle of his plastron. His whole torso wrapped up with bandages to keep it together.

"Four weeks little bro" I sighed sadly, rubbing along his forehead. "Wake up please, Mikey needs you, we need you….. " I paused slightly, biting my lip. The four slashes on his arm were still healing, 14 stitches for each slash. 56 in total, and the other cuts that required stitches weren't even included. A single tear rolled down my cheek.

"I need you Raph, please wake up"


	15. Chapter 15

You know those moments when you wake up in the middle of the night. It's dark and you are completely disorientated. You don't know what had happened just minutes ago and you can't seem to think properly. You don't know what is real and what is not. Thinking about the dream you just had, unable to figure if it was even a dream.

That was exactly how I felt right now. I was surrounded by darkness, nothing but the darkness. I had no clue what was real and what wasn't and somehow my brain wouldn't process the things around me. I could only recall blurry outlines, shadows, faint noises. And no matter how hard I tried to remember, I always ended up hurting myself.

Every attempt to remember or to figure out where I was ending in a shooting pain through my head. The pain quickly spreading through my whole body and leaving me convulsing in oblivion. I had no idea where I stood, what was beneath me. I felt nothing. Not the ground, not the soft breeze of the wind, not even the cold air that was present in the sewers.

There was nothing but coldness around me, and it honestly scared me. I had no idea how long I've been here already but I also couldn't remember the moment I got here. Flashes, noises. That's the only thing I managed to recall. The only thing I knew about this place. A flash of orange and a soft cry, red liquid all over me.

Nothing, only the piercing pain through my head. I couldn't move, I could only let this place take me away. I couldn't even feel my limbs anymore. I had no idea if they were still connected to my body, if I was still living. I just had no clue, the only thing keeping me from going sane was the constant pain in my brains en body.

My body temperature constantly changed, one time I was cold, ice-cold. And the next moment I was surrounded by the warmth around my body. I welcomed the warmth, it felt nice in this cold abyss, wherever I was. But every time the warmth left me again, leaving me in the same cold as before, leaving me empty and alone again.

TMNT

It hurt to watch the dull eyes of my baby brother. The usual spark that lingered in his eyes, even after his captivity, was now completely gone. Even after his second captivity he still managed to contain some of his joy, usual laughs, some small jokes and a smile on his face when we were around, but right now it was completely gone.

His whole body was trembling, just slightly but it was trembling. He was straining himself, straining his body beyond exhaustion. His hands clamped around the cup of warm tea, steam rising from the cup until is eventually disappeared in the air. The cup slightly shaking from the hands that held it upwards, prevented it from crashing on the floor.

His eyes dull and grey as he focused them on the sleeping form of Raph. I didn't know how Mikey could even look at him like that, every time I did I could feel my heart contracting painfully, making it difficult to breathe until I looked away. I didn't want to picture my immediate younger brother like this, I wanted to remember him as he was.

The once stubborn and strong turtle I loved and hated. I never really hated him but he could get on my nerves a lot, not listening to me whenever I ordered something, not following orders, constantly arguing with me, but he loved me just how much I loved him. He wouldn't show it often, but he did at times I got hurt or sick.

I wanted to remember that Raphael, not the unconscious one right in front of me. He was slowly fading, right in front of our eyes. Donnie was unable to find the cure for the drug that was slowly killing him. Most of his organs had been shut down already and he was only kept alive by all the machinery around him, constantly pumping life through him.

As much as I hated myself for it, sometimes I just wanted to run up to all the machines and shut them down, trash them. Keeping Raph alive meant giving him more pain, every day. It didn't matter he was out cold for 5 weeks already, the pain kept showing on his face now and then, true pain that was crossing his face.

The decision.. that had probably been my hardest so far. Two days back Raph's condition worsened and he got his first seizure in his coma, something that was very dangerous, especially with our DNA and all. After that Donnie had revealed that Raph fully slipped away, it wasn't his own body that kept him alive, but the machinery only. Everything expect for his brain.

He was still alive, but just barely and we needed the cure right now. So we went to get it that night, Me, Karai, Casey and April. All of them were prepared to go but Donnie and Sensei had to stay at home to monitor Raph, and Mikey was in no condition to go out. He was still injured, both mentally and physically. His body was still sore from the last time he got captured.

The slash above his plastron had healed, bruises had faded but his energy had been drained, completely drained so we went instead. Shredder was death and so were the mutants. We had no trouble getting in and getting to Shredder's headquarters. It was just too easy, sure Shredder was dead and he couldn't set up a trap or something, but the cure had been so easy to find, too easy.

It wasn't the actual cure but the way to make it. Which meant Donnie still had to make it but there was no guarantee it would work. It almost looked like Shredder meant it to be found, by us. Killing our brother by our own hand, that was maybe even more cruel than getting tortured, betraying your own family and killing them, no returning possible.

But Raph was fading right in front of us, and with that cure being our last hope, I decided to give it to Raph. We had talked about it as a family but the actual decision was onme, not sensei, not my brothers, me. I was their leader and my brothers were my responsibility. And I couldn't help but to feel nervous, what if it did kill Raph?

I sighed as I looked at the clock, April and Casey could be here any minute now. Donnie would give the cure this day and we had all agreed Casey and April should be there when it happened, if Raph would wake up, or truly fade away, for good this time. Slowly I stood up and walked over to Mikey, as much as we agreed on Casey and April being there, we all agreed Mikey shouldn't be there.

If he would truly fade away Mikey wouldn't be able to handle. And that was the exact reason we didn't tell him about the cure, or the decision I made, and certainly not about the sleeping medicine I put in his tea. I grabbed the back of the chair and dragged it with me until it was next to Mikey's chair and I sat down.

"Drink Mikey, you have to stay hydrated" I whispered to him. His grey eyes slowly lifted from Raph's body. They were empty, there weren't even tears in his eyes. "Here" I gently said as I grabbed the glass and placed it against his mouth. Mikey obediently opened his mouth and softly sipped from the hot tea, swallowing down the liquid, and the medicine until his cup was empty.

"Thanks" Mikey whispered to me and leaned into me. I immediately obeyed and snatched his head, gently pressing it against my plastron. His breathing became more labored and I smiled slightly as I noticed the medicine was already starting to work. It was a strong sleeping medicine we only used for emergencies, mostly.

Within minutes my baby brother was out like a light, softly snoring against my plastron like he hadn't done in a while. His sleeping would always be troubled by the nightmares, though I didn't expect them to be gone right now, the medicine kept them away for a while. But I knew he would once again wake up because of them.

I gently scooped him up, one arm under his knees and one supporting his shell. His head dipped towards my plastron, his cheek tightly pressed against it and his mouth opened slightly. And for a second I didn't see my scarred and tortured younger brother, I merely saw my younger brother, the one that would always snuggle close to me and fall asleep on the couch, forcing me to carry him to bed.

"He's sleeping" I softly said when I walked outside the lab, greeted by Donnie who was already waiting outside with a blanket and pillow. Though I knew not even an earthquake would wake up Mikey right now, I still kept my voice low. I swiftly looked around the room and noticed Casey and April in the kitchen, along with Sensei.

"Good, thanks Leo" Donnie said with a smile as I lowered Mikey on the couch, his head on the pillow. Donnie placed the blanket on top of him and tugged him in slightly so he would be comfortable, for now. And just looking at the sleeping form of my little brother I realized that only two things could happen this night.

Either that was the last time Mikey talked to us, too hurt and betrayed for taking away the last moment to be with Raph, or heal from all the events when Raph would wake up. And you have no idea how much I wanted the last option to work but there was a reason we drugged Mikey and forcing him away from Raph.

"I know this is hard for you, for all of us but it's the best option, you know that" Donnie said sadly and nudged my shoulder slightly, I could only nod as he spoke those words because they were true. "I'll get the rest, can you prepare the IV drip?" He asked gently and I couldn't help but to smile. Donnie knew he was the 'doctor' in our family.

The one to prepare the IV's and to give medicines, but he also knew that no matter how you twisted it, this was my idea and It would be my fault if Raph would really… die and I wanted to spend as much time as I could with Raph. I nodded faintly and walked over to the infirmary once again, greeted by Raph's unconscious body. I ignored him for now and went directly over to all the medical stuff, picking up the necessary things for the IV drip.

My mind was mostly numb as I cleaned his armpit with alcohol to disinfect it and swiftly inserted a needle into it. Once Donnie would get back he would add the cure to the IV drip, and I was praying so hard it would work. I couldn't lose my immediately younger brother, I needed all of my brothers, I needed Raph.

"It's time Leo" Donnie announced as he walked into the room, soon followed by dad, April and Casey. April's eyes were red from crying, and honestly I couldn't blame her. We all knew the condition Raph was in, and the possibility of him never recovering. Especially thinking about what they were going to do right now, the possibility of killing him off with the supposed cure.

Splinter sat down on one side of Raph's bed, grasping his fragile hand and squeezing it slightly. Tears started to build up in his eyes but he bit them away. Casey and April sat next to Splinter, and I was just like Master Splinter holding Raph's hand. Casey standing and April sitting on the side of Raph's bed, petting the blanket slightly.

We never spoke as Donnie walked over to Raph with the cure. The liquid was some kind of yellowish color and I slowly and torturously watched how the clear liquid that was pumped into his body slowly turned that same color. We all stood frozen, watching closely as the liquid entered Raph's body, and all we could do was wait.

Donnie was still standing still, his hands trembling slightly and I immediately reached out for him. He seemed rather shocked by my actions but I paid no attention to it and pulled him closer, wrapping my arms tightly around him and forcing him to sit next to me. Giving up his futile attempts to escape he slumped down on me, forcing me to support him. Both watching the unconscious figure in front of us.

"Why isn't something happening?" April whispered after 5 minutes had passed. A lump formed itself in my throat. Five whole minutes and nothing had happened, and I didn't know if that was a good sign or not. His heart rate remained the same, his vitals never declined. But all of those didn't improve either, Raph wasn't waking up either.

Minutes went by, and it slowly turned into a whole hour, Raph never responded to the cure. Casey and April had left after the third hour. Casey bringing April home. Sensei retreated back to his room to meditate, at least he said he would. I could see the hurt in his eyes for Raph not waking up, ready to cry, and I didn't blame him.

6 hours it had been, it was midnight right now. Donnie was sitting at his desk. His arms crossed and his cheek pressed against them, softly snoring. I was still next to Raph's side, holding his hand tightly, holding onto the pulse he still had. An indication that life was still being pumped through his body at this moment, that he was still alive beneath me.

I was too tired to speak, to do anything besides holding his limp hand but I wouldn't leave his side. And only now I understood why Mikey was so committed to stay at Raph's side, the guilt. The horrible feeling tearing you apart from the inside out. That same feeling that kept me at Raph's side for all this time, waiting for the cure to do something, anything.

I choked on a sob and I lowered myself, turning my head sideways and placing my cheek on the bed. The top of my head was softly touching Raph's side and I could feel his heartbeat next to me. My eyes shut and I didn't even try to open them again, slowly drifting off next to my younger brother. I drifted off, not noticing the change in his vitals, his breathing getting more even and stronger slowly, and his tired eyes flickering open.


	16. Chapter 16

Leo frowned slightly, his arms twitching slightly beneath him. His head was itchin, the itch that kept coming. Another light tap was pressed onto his forehead, leaving him with the same light, but yet annoying itch. He felt too tired to lift his arms, he just wanted to go back to sleep but the constant tapping made it impossible.

Mikey was probably pulling another prank again, waking him in the middle of the night for no reason. To be honest, he hadn't done that in a few years right now. Instead of the innocent waking up in the middle of the night, the pranks turned more serious as more years passed. So why would Mikey be doing this right now?

Another tap on his forehead and Leo softly, just barely, bailed his fists. Whatever he was planning, it wasn't funny anymore. The touches were utterly soft and felt so vulnerable. Leo groaned slightly and blinked a few times, he wasn't able to sleep anyways. He slowly lifted his head of his arms, his body aching all over and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

After a few seconds he opened his eyes, wincing slightly at the bright light from the bright room. Sleepily he looked to the clock and frowned again when he saw his younger genius brother laying on his desk, drooling slightly and sleeping on his arms. He whipped his head around and his breath hitched in his throat as he was met by the bright green eyes of his younger brother.

"RAPH!" Leo suddenly yelled out and jumped up, knocking the chair backwards and practically ambushing his brother. The same brother that had been unconscious for weeks now, was finally awake. Barely able to restrain himself he still managed to be careful with his brother, seeing the confused and hurt eyes of his brother.

He softly wrapped his arms around Raph's form, barely even touching the sides of his arms trying not to hurt him. He vowed himself not to cry but as soon as he touched his brother he couldn't contain himself, fresh tears washing down his cheeks. Tears of joy this time, instead of the sorrow filled tears that had been shed the last few weeks.

"I missed you so much little brother" Leo softly said, trying to hide the quiver in his voice. Raph never responded to him and Leo frowned, fear bubbling up slightly. "What's wrong Raph, does anything hurt?" And much to Leo's amazement, Raph weakly nodded, wincing in slight pain as he did so, only resulting in more pain radiating through his body.

Leo watched with sorrow as Raph's heavily dropped his eyelids and his breathing became more labored. The blue banded turtle put a gentle hand on Raph's plastron and rubbed it softly, trying to ease his breathing as much as he could do. A few long minutes past but eventually Raph's body relaxed and all that remained were the eyes slowly watching every move.

"Don't move again Raph, I'll get Donnie first" Leo said and quickly stood up, walking over to Donnie within a few seconds. Any other person would've asked himself why Donnie was still asleep after all this noise but Leo knew better, no noise could wake his genius brother up once he was finally asleep. Something that had caused problems over the years.

But eventually they all learned how to effectively wake Donnie up. In the mornings it wasn't a problem to wake him up, but in the middle of the night, and after tiring himself out for days straight, it was a hard task if you didn't know what to do. Leo wasted no time being gentle and placed his hands on Donnie's shoulders, pressing a certain nerve and shaking him heavily, within seconds Donnie's eyes flew open.

"Raph's awake!" Leo half-yelled as he quickly placed a hand on top of Donnie's mouth to prevent him from yelling at him. Which was inevitable after waking him up, Donnie wasn't a morning person at all and he was usually very angry or moody in the morning, but for once he made an exception. His eyes flew open, scanning the room until they fell on Raph's body.

Donnie pushed Leo's hands aside and stood up, forgetting his own sleepiness and sprinting over to his immediate older brother, who was sleepily watching Donnie with his eyes. And just as Leo, Donnie couldn't contain his tears and didn't even bother to hold them back, allowing them to flow down his cheeks.

"Oh god Raph, you have no idea…." Donnie whispered. "Are you okay, are you in pain or anything that I need to know?" Donnie immediately rambled, pushing aside his own personal needs. How badly he had missed his brother, he first needed to know if Raph was feeling okay. Raph however, didn't respond, merely glancing towards Leo.

Leo immediately understood what Raph was trying to say, even though they both didn't say anything. The blue banded turtle still remembered the thing that happened just minutes ago, the pain that Raph was forced to go through only by simply nodding his head, and Raph may be stubborn but he wasn't stupid. He knew better than to do it again.

"Lemme try something" Leo sighed and walked over to the other side of the bed, looking into Raph's eyes. "Alright Raph, you shouldn't move again but you can blink right? Blink one time for no and two times for yes, okay?" Leo explained, smiling slightly when Raph blinked two times, indicating he understood what Leo was saying.

Leo looked over to Donnie and gave his genius brother a short nod, who was still watching Leo in amazement. He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of that. He quickly brushed it aside and stood up again so he would be able to see Raph's eyes a little bit better and tried to find the best questions to answer because the tiredness was clearly present in Raph's eyes.

"Are you in any pain or discomfort?" Donnie decided to ask first, not knowing he was asking the same thing Leo had asked just minutes ago. Raph blinked, as expected, two times. "Okay okay, do you want me to give you something for the pain?" Honestly Leo and Donnie had both expected Raph to blink one time.

He had never been a fan of pain medication, saying he didn't needed it because he was 'tough' but he didn't, he blinked twice, tears twinkling in his eyes. Leo swallowed heavily at his brother's tears and looked over to Donnie. A short nod was all they needed. Donnie stood up and started to prepare the pain medication, while Leo hovered over Raph again.

"Do you … remember what happened?" Leo asked with a heavy heart. He didn't want to remind Raph of what he had gone through, but he knew a few things about being in a coma and he had to know if Raph remembered the things that happened to him. There was a high change he would forget these things but Raph blinked twice after a few seconds of thinking.

Raph's eyes widened slightly and his eyes went from left to right, twitching his limbs slightly and wincing in pain that cursed through his veins. Leo put a gentle hand on his shoulders and began to rub it to calm him down, it wasn't fear, he could see it in Raph's eyes, there was something else. He was searching for something.

"Mikey…?" Leo suddenly questioned. Raph's eyes immediately flew to Leo, blinking twice again. "Don't worry Raph. Mikey is just fine. He's home here, he's been waiting for you" Leo said with a small smile, watching with delight as his younger brother slowly relaxed again. Mikey was perfectly safe home, but Leo didn't feel like telling Raph he was far from fine.

He wasn't ready to hear all the nightmares he was once again haunted by, or the panic attacks he had frequently, and certainly not how long he had been out. Raph would always freak out after being unconscious, even a day or two. Leo couldn't even predict how he was going to react to 5 weeks being unconscious.

Leo watched closely as Donnie carefully inserted a needle in Raph's arm, the limb already disinfected just seconds ago. Donnie connected the needle to a strong pain medication and they both silently watched as the liquid was pumped into Raph's system, the motion already too familiar for them, having experienced it just hours ago when they had to save Raph's life.

The blue banded turtle winced slightly but quickly turned back to Raph, ready to ask more questions but when he saw Raph's eyes, he decided it was better not to do. He smiled softly and rubbed Raph's forehead, like he would always do when they were still young. He pulled the blanket up to Raph's chin and tugged him in softly, Raph had already fallen asleep by then.

TMNT

His eyes were wide open, his body trembling like it would always do. His mind was clouded, troubled. The tired feeling that had been around him for weeks was gone a bit. His eyes were still dropping constantly, and he had to force himself to stay awake, but it was less than it had been for weeks right now, and still he could barely stay awake.

He could feel the couch shaking beneath him, and all because of his trembling. Slowly his eyes dropped again, tiredness washing over him like a wave but he forced himself to open them once again. He couldn't fall asleep, not again. He didn't want to remember, not again, and while he knew he could never forget what has happened, he could try not to remember it.

A soft whimper escaped his throat and he curled himself more into the blankets. Tears were threatening to come up but he bit them back, he refused to cry, to scream for help, for anyone to help him. He got used to it, his family storming into his room every night, twice, maybe three times a night. Every time, no matter how hard he tried, he'd wake up screaming and crying.

And he had no idea why this time was different. He just felt so tired, not like the tired feeling after not having slept for days, or the sleepy feeling when you'd wake up but an exhausted, almost dead, feeling in his limbs, and his body. He didn't feel like moving at all, just staring into oblivion. Staring ahead and just trying not to remember, knowing there was no way to forget.

His heavy eyelids dropped again, and before he could even force himself to open them again a cold and harsh hand was placed on his shoulder. He snapped his eyes open and let out a strangled cry, scrambling upwards and pressing his shell against the couch, continuing to shiver and frozen in fear. He wanted to run, defend himself but he was frozen, unable to move.

Before he had a chance to slip an icy scream past his parted lips he recognized the face right in front of him, the green hand hovering in the air and the deep sea blue eyes filled with sadness staring at him. And instead of the choked scream he had wanted to release just seconds ago, a short sob pas his lips and he squeezed his eyes shut.

"It's okay little bro, it's just me" Leo said in a soft voice and gently reached out for his youngest brother. He knew better than to move fast, a mistake they had all made in the last few weeks. Especially in the morning Mikey was.. tense. He got scared easily, someone moving too fast, a loud sound, even the slightest thing could set him off. Mikey lowered his head in shame and allowed Leo to wrap his arms around him, squeezing slightly.

"I'm tired Leo.. I don't want to do this anymore…. " Mikey sobbed in Leo's plastron, squeezing Leo's arms tightly, almost afraid to let go. "..Y-you said they'd go away… b-but they didn't.. and R-Raph's s..still…" Leo remained silent, knowing better than to comfort him because all their previous attempts were in vain. Mikey had to overcome this himself.

The only thing Leo could really do is hold him tightly, assure him he wasn't alone in all of this but he knew that Mikey wouldn't hear him, whatever he'd say. He was actually surprised Mikey hadn't screamed already but he soon figured that was the remains of the drug they, he, had used on his baby brother to get him to sleep.

"Mikey… Raph woke up a few hours ago.. we gave him the cure we found at Shredder's lair. He's okay but he's still out of it and in pain" Leo said with a pained face. He didn't like talking about the amount of pain his little brother was going through right now, and while it had improved greatly, he was still suffering badly.

At first he couldn't even move or twitch without being engulfed in pain, but the second time he had woken up he was a little bit better already. Moving still hurt him way too much, but he could move his neck a little bit, and talk without too much pain. Donnie said it had to be the hallucination drugs, at least his body getting rid of it.

It had been in his system so long, shutting down his organs and body, it would take time before he would heal again. Leo waited patiently for an answer, knowing he shouldn't push Mikey in any way, so he did. The freckled turtle sniffled slightly and used the back of his hand to wipe away the tears that were still leaking down his face when he suddenly frowned slightly.

"W-Wait… he did, when…?" Mikey asked in a soft voice and slowly lifted his hands slightly, wincing at the tiredness that was still coursing through his veins. His blue eyes trailed upwards, pleadingly looking into Leo's eyes. "Y-you … drugged m-me?" He stuttered finally, tears appearing in his eyes. It suddenly made sense, unable to wake up from his nightmares, the tired feeling in his limbs and body.

They had all experienced the effects of pain medication but Mikey refused to believe that… his own brothers would drug him. Mikey's eyes widened, staring into Leo's eyes for something. He waited for Leo to deny his statement, something that would tell him his older brother hadn't forced him to sleep while they…

"Mikey listen to me please.." Leo softly started, and still he wasn't denying anything Mikey had said. "Raph was… his body was shutting down and we had to do something.. we didn't know if the cure would work so we all agreed it would be better for you to sit this one out." Leo explained sheepishly, still holding Mikey tightly in his hold.

The young turtle was still grasping Leo's arm, leaving slight bruises but the blue banded turtle couldn't care less. Mikey needed him right now, or so he thought. Seconds after the explanation left Leo's mouth the fingers that dug deep into his green skin softened and they slowly started to tremble. Mikey's eyes were wide open and refusing to look towards his older brother.

"Y-you…." He stuttered, scooting backwards slightly. His eyes slowly trailed upwards, meeting the deep sea blue eyes of his oldest brother for a split second and then scrambling backwards more. Tears started to pour down his face but there was no trace of sadness in his baby blue eyes. The spark of joy and the sadness had all turned into hatred, pure hatred.

Leo's hand gently reached out for Mikey but the freckled turtle angrily slapped it away. "You drugged me!" He suddenly yelled, angry tears streaming down his cheeks and jumping up. "I-if he had d-died… I hate you Leo, I HATE YOU" And then Mikey clamped his jaws shut, turning around and running away as fast as he could.


	17. Chapter 17

His head was pounding and his fingers were digging into his temples. His feet were burning with excruciating exhaustion but he refused to sit down. His head was spinning, his blood pumping painfully through his whole system. Nothing made sense anymore, and he just felt so tired. His body was still fighting off the tiredness in his veins but he refused to give into it.

And still he couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that his own brother had drugged him. They had taken away his possible last moment with his older brother. Leo should've known better than to do it. He wasn't there when everything had happened, he wasn't there when he was forced to watch his older brother being brought in broken and tortured.

He wasn't the one who had to stitch up the messy explosion of torn flesh and blood. He wasn't the one who was now crying his heart out every night his subconscious decided to mess with him again, and throw him right back to that faithful time. They were getting better, honestly they were getting better at some point. Waking up less often, being more joyful around the lair.

But the moment he was knocked out again that night outside, everything came crashing down on him again. Every barrier to protect his fragile and fractured mind just vanished. And the only one that was with him when everything happened to him, the only one who could possibly understand what he was feeling, and his fears, was now unconscious. The only one who could understood was in a coma, and possibly never waking up.

And he took it away, he took that opportunity away from him. He wasn't stupid, far from it and he too knew that Raph was on the verge of dying, how much he tried to deny it. Lying to himself that Raph would pull through. His organs were shutting down from fighting the drug and there was a large possibility for him to die. He hated Leo, resented him for that, and yet he couldn't hate him.

"GAH!" Mikey screamed loudly and banged his forehead into the wall, not enough to cause him any pain but enough to give him some sort of discomfort. His room suddenly felt too small, too restricting and he stumbled backwards slightly. He just felt so … helpless. He couldn't do anything besides mourning in his room and it was driving him crazy. He wanted his older brother, he needed him. He needed Raph.

"My son, what is going on?" Mikey's head jerked to the side as he heard his father's tone filling his room. The door was partly open and his father was peeking through the relatively small gab it was creating. Mikey let out a stifled groan and turned his shell towards his father, walking back and forth without looking back at his father.

He didn't know what to think, what to say to his father. He was just so confused about everything. The whole kidnapping part, the torture and the nightmares, they were logical, as much as those things could be logical but he didn't understand what he was feeling right now. He couldn't explain the strange and uncomfortable feeling in his chest that seemed to be restricting him.

Mikey paid no attention to the opening door, and not even when he felt two strong and yet comforting hands on his shoulders did he snap out of his thinking. The feeling only spread, leaving him almost nauseas, feeling like he was going to puke any time now. He could barely register his dad taking him towards his bed and forcing him down, sitting next to him and keeping a comfortable hand on his shell.

"My son, will you tell me what happened? Are you not happy Raphael has woken up?" Splinter cautiously questioned as he looked to his youngest son. Michelangelo's eyes were now squeezed shut, and Yoshi had expected tears but none were coming. Michelangelo's nails were digging into his flesh and his teeth were gritted, his muscles trembling from containing himself.

"Why do I feel this way dad, I … Leo drugged me so if… R-Raph really passed away, I wouldn't have to see it" Mikey explained, stopping a few times as he tried to calm himself down. "I get it, I really get it dad, so why … do I feel like this? I feel so angry and I don't like it, I don't want to hate him" The last sentence came out as a whisper, his voice dripping with emotions.

Yoshi carefully watched as his youngest son struggled with continuing his story and his eyes saddened when he felt the self-hatred that was radiating from him. Trouble and doubt was clouding his baby blue eyes and unconsciously his fingers found the two scars over his eyes again, carefully ghosting over them. Splinter sighed sadly and gently pried them away from the scars.

"Trust isn't easily gained, but can easily be destroyed. Your brother indeed drugged you…and with that he destroyed that trust. But the relation you have with your brothers goes beyond trust, and while the trust has been fractured, your love for him continues." Splinter explained petting his son's shell gently. Mikey groaned in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut again.

"I just can't do this anymore sensei!" Mikey suddenly yelled and stood up, walking away from his father with his hands on his head. "I don't know what to think, or what to feel. I just want it to go away. Why can't I just forget about all of this? Shredder is dead, and I know that.. so why …" The young turtle continued to yell and walked over to his wall again, smashing his fists into the wall.

His teeth were gritted as pain shot through his hands and he tiredly leaned his forehead against the cold wall, taking in a few ragged breaths. His hands were burning and his eyes were once again tightly shut, waiting for the burning pain to subside. His chest was starting to ache slightly, his lungs desperately trying to take in oxygen but it was different this time. He recognized the signs of a panic attack, but this wasn't it.

"My son, do you hate Leonardo?" Came the quiet voice of his father, and still the freckled turtle didn't turn around. A low animalistic growl escaped his mouth and even though he couldn't see his father he knew he was flinching right now. His father had accepted them even though they were different, but the thing he never got used to was their minimum amount of animal characteristics.

Even despite having their father's, human, DNA they were still turtles. And at times they were unable to conceal that part. And even after all these years he still wasn't used to the occasional growls and hisses they would release. It wasn't how he viewed his sons, these sounds were animalistic. Mikey sighed miserably. He couldn't help it, honestly. He didn't want to growl at his father but he couldn't help it.

"…No…" Mikey said softly and turned his head around, facing his father before turning his gaze towards the ground. He slowly turned around but let his head down in shame, a sign of defeat. "I love him, all of my brothers, I just… " Another growl escaped his throat before he could contain himself and he stumbled backwards until his shell hit the wall, sliding down to the ground.

"It is perfectly understandable to be confused my son. You have gone through something horrible that can't be forgotten. And the only medicine is time, you'll conquer those unpleasant feelings and the nightmares, but they'll never go away." The mutant rat said and walked over to his youngest son, crouching down in front of him. He gently reached out and tipped Mikey's chin so he was forced to look at his father.

"I can sense your confusion, and I don't know how long it will take before it will go away, but for now… hold on to the things that don't confuse you" He finished and smiled slightly, pleased to see that his youngest son returned the smile. Yoshi never spoke with many words, and when he did he never directly said what he meant but their sons, almost, always immediately knew what he meant.

"Thanks dad" Mikey whispered softly and surprised his father by pulling him into a tight hug. There was a slight tremble in Michelangelo's arms but he kept his father's body close to him, not daring to let go of him. And as much as his youngest had surprised him by starting the hug, he was even more surprised to see his youngest pulling out of the hug after a few seconds a look of determination in his eyes and a smile tugged on Yoshi's lips.

TMNT

He sat there, his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms folded around them. He had no idea how long he had been waiting, but he knew it had been way too long. And yet he couldn't bring himself to move or do anything besides waiting. His shell was pressing against the cold wall and he could faintly hear his older brothers talking through the door, leading towards Donnie's lab.

His head was leaning against the wall, just as his shell and his eyes were closed slightly, occasionally opening them. But nothing changed. Donnie and Leo were still in his lab just like Raph. Sensei had gone into his room hours ago after their talk, at least he assumed it had been hours. He had no idea where Casey and April were, probably at school for once, and he didn't blame them. They needed to focus on their own lives too.

Mikey took a sharp hitched breath when he heard footsteps nearing him and he tensed for a minute. It wasn't him, it isn't him. No one will hurt you, you're safe. How idiotic it sounded, he needed it. Every wrong step of his family could send him off, could trigger another memory, a panic attack and he always needed to remind himself that he was safe at home, and that 'he' wouldn't be able to hurt him anymore.

Leo had told him they had killed the Shredder, along with all his henchman. They were dead, and they couldn't hurt, torture or kidnap them anymore, they were all safe from them. And that same person, who had told him he didn't have to be afraid anymore of that person, was now walking outside the lab, not even noticing the freckled turtle sitting outside the lab door.

"Leo?" Mikey hastily said before Leo could walk away too much, and he wouldn't be able to hear his youngest brother anymore. The freckled turtle cursed himself for his raspy voice, it sounded way too vulnerable, and way too broken, and yet he couldn't help himself. His oldest brother whipped his head around, his eyes still slightly swollen and red, but just barely, a sad expression on his face and yet there was also relief.

"Mikey… how long have you been sitting there?" Leo called out, taking a few steps towards his little brother but he didn't dare to approach him fully. "Are you okay?" he hesitantly asked, the words that Mikey had spoken to him mere hours ago still fresh in his mind. To say he was confused was an understatement. Just hours ago Mikey had told him he hated him for drugging him.

In a way he didn't blame his youngest brother for hating him, or lashing out like that. What he did was wrong, he knew that from the beginning, but at the same time completely inevitable. The possibility of Raph passing away was too big but Mikey had every right to hate him for what he'd done. And yet here he was sitting down, obviously having waited for a long time right now and a weird look in his eyes.

"I'm okay… I just wanted to say something about this morning…" Mikey hesitantly started, rubbing his left arm slightly, unconsciously trailing towards the large ragged scar, something he had been doing a lot over the last weeks. Leo's face fell slightly as he noticed what his little brother was doing and slowly made his way over to him, placing his hand over the scar so Mikey couldn't reach it anymore and giving a comfortable squeeze.

"I'm so sorry about yelling at you Leo, I really am.. I just… I miss Raphie and thinking he might've passed away after you… " Mikey took another sharp breath and softly leaned towards his older brother's hold. "I don't hate you Leo… I was confused, I still am but I could never hate you, I love you guys" The freckled turtle added in a whisper and pulled away again, looking downwards in shame.

No matter how bad his brothers had treated him sometimes, calling him names, or pushing him away he never said he hated them. Because he knew his brothers loved him. They laughed together, they comforted each other and they spent a lot of time together having fun. And never had Mikey even thought about hating them, and right now he had yelled at his oldest brother, stating he hated him.

"Hey don't be sorry Mikey" Leo softly said and tipped Mikey's chin up. "If someone should be apologizing it should be me little bro. What I did was wrong, and I had no right to do so, but I only did it to protect you" Leo said, trying to explain himself the best he could. But honestly, how much he knew he had done right by drugging him, and preventing Mikey from the possible sight of his brother dying, he also messed up big time.

Mikey smiled slightly and scooted a little bit closer to his older brother and leaning into Leo's hold. The blue cladded turtle immediately understood and wrapped his muscular arms around his little brother. Something about their close relation meant they sometimes didn't even need words to explain something to the other, and one thing was very clear right now, Mikey forgave him.

"Hey, how about you go inside of the lab while I get some food for both you and Donnie? Raph has been asking for you over and over again. And honestly the only thing that has prevented him from getting out of bed are the drugs Donnie put him on to recover" Leo said after a few seconds of comfortable silence and patted Mikey's head slightly, snickering softly as Mikey childishly pouted. It was something he did a lot when he was young, or before he got kidnapped.

Mikey nodded and clumsily stood up, his legs were stinging from sitting so long and he stretched slightly. Leo gave him last encouraging nod before turning around and walking off to the kitchen and leaving Mikey alone. Despite Leo's comfort he was still slightly nervous, he was almost sure Donnie had heard everything they'd just said, but that included the things he had told Leo this morning, no doubt Leo would've told Donnie.

The freckled turtle swallowed painfully but pushed past the feeling creeping up on him. He survived a whole week in the hands of the Shredder, he diverted death once, so why was he still feeling nervous? He took a deep breath and walked into the lab, looking around Donnie's domain. The first thing he noticed was the bed on the side of the room with a green turtle laying on top of it.

All the machinery has been moved away and the corner was now actually looking pretty comfortable instead of the creepy laboratory feeling it always had. Donnie was a few meters away from the medical bed and in the bed itself was his older brother. Mikey took a hesitant step forwards, studying his finally awakened brother. His head was to the side, watching Donnie's every move but he was not moving at all.

"Mikey, how long have you been standing there?" Donnie suddenly snapped him out of his thoughts. Mikey's head shot up and looked over to his immediate older brother but found his words stuck inside of his throat, he couldn't speak and despite wanting to answer his genius brother, his eyes trailed towards Raph, who had his eyes fixed on him at the moment, finally having noticed Mikey entering the lab too.

A lump caught in his throat as he scanned Raph's body. His body was covered by a white and clean blanket but his arms were resting on top of the blanket. His left upper arm fully bandaged, and he knew what was beneath it. A huge number sign-like scar covering his whole upper-arm. There were several needles sticking out of his flesh but fortunately he didn't seem to be in any pain.

There were numerous cuts on his body, some bigger than the others but they had already healed leaving faint scars that would probably never go away. And Mikey was pleased, relieved to see that the bruises had faded. He had seen it of course, staying at Raph's side every day, but seeing it while Raph was actually awake without those nasty bruises made him smile more than he'd done in the past weeks.

"Hey baby bro" Raph cracked. His voice was low and hoarse and Mikey barely understood what he was saying. Without making any sound he sat down next to his older brother and carefully picked up his hand. Raph smiled slightly, but just barely as he was still very tired. "I …was worried about ya" It was clear that it took Raph a lot to even say those few words, and that it caused him a lot of discomfort but Mikey let him speak.

Tears jumped into Mikey's eyes but a smile spread onto his face. "You worried about me?" He laughed and pressed Raph's limp hand against his forehead for a few seconds. "You're an idiot Raphie, you know that right?" Mikey laughed through his tears. Raph didn't have any energy to say something else and all he could do was smile at the sight of seeing his little brother again.

Donnie was at Raph's bed seconds later and he too couldn't contain his tears as he saw his two brothers reunite once again, for the first real time in 6 weeks right now. Leo came in with some food minutes later but nobody actually touched it and they just talked the whole time, Raph mostly listening as he still wasn't up to talking a lot yet, but he occasions said some things.

Eventually Raph grew really tired and they all agreed to leave their brother alone, all except for the youngest brother. Even despite the protests of Donnie he climbed onto Raph's bed, and it was only when Raph assured his immediate younger brother it was okay that Donnie allowed Mikey to snuggle close to his brother, both falling asleep while Donnie and Leo both guarded them.

"Will they be okay?" Leo whispered when he noticed that both his little brothers were asleep. Donnie had his head on his shoulder and Leo had his arm wrapped around Donnie's shoulder. Beneath him his genius little brother huffed slightly but smiled nevertheless. Mikey was curled up next to Raph's body with a blanket on top of both of them. His arms were wrapped around Raph's un-injured arm and they were both smiling slightly in their sleep.

"They will be bro, I mean just look at them" Donnie laughed softly, gesturing to the two happy turtles sleeping in front of them.

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, I have good and bad news. The good news is that Raph is finally awake and doing okay, and Mikey has forgiven his brothers :3
> 
> Bad news is that this was the last chapter of the story, there will be an epilogue, but apart from that this was the last chapter! And I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has read this, reviewed and followed this so far, either Flames of Vengeance or Like a dying flame (Or both of course). You all made it fun for me to write, and make me update faster *hint hint* XD
> 
> That being said, hope you enjoyed this chapter (is it bad for me to say I really don't like the last part of this chapter? :/…)
> 
> Later!


	18. Chapter 18

He could barely restrain himself from bouncing up and down the lair. He couldn't sit still, and he was only staring at the entrance of the lair with so much joy. Joy I hadn't seem in the last few weeks. His baby blue eyes were practically sparking from anticipation and he was clawing at the couch. Not the same nervous clawing he would do over the last few weeks, but a huge grin was on his face as he continued to stare.

"Mikey, staring like that won't make her arrive any faster" I chuckled softly as I continued to watch my youngest brother. Mikey turned around and flashed me a bright smile, and once again I felt relief wash over me. It was something I had missed so much in the last few weeks, months even. It had been way too long since Mikey had been like this. And I hated myself for thinking it, but maybe the second kidnapping actually did him more good than bad.

"I know, I know. I'm just so excited for her to come" Mikey said with a loud voice and focused on the entrance again. April and Casey would be coming down around 4 o'clock, after Mikey had requested something special for Raph, and of course Mikey was already waiting around 3, bouncing up and down for April to come with the special present.

Mikey was sitting on his knees with his hands on top of the back of the couch, his eyes clued on the entrance. My eyes slowly trailed down Mikey's body. If it wasn't for those scars that were still on Mikey's body, and the few nightmares he still had I would've guessed he was just any normal mutant teenager, who hadn't been tortured or kidnapped at all.

Mikey's shell was turned towards me and I could only see part of his body, most importantly his left side. The two scars that were running over his eyes still scared me, even after weeks of having seen them, and I know Mikey was bothered by them too. The one on his left arm was always staying there, thick and swollen and a mixture of green and pink skin. And every time he would strain it too much, his arm would give out.

It had been 2 whole weeks already since that faithful day. Or rather two days. The day I decided to give Raph that antidote, the same antidote that we got from the Shredder, and the same antidote we didn't know it would work. I still remembered the words that Mikey had screamed, saying he hated me for betraying him like that but eventually I found him outside of the lab, and he apologized to me.

Seeing Mikey and Raph finally unite was probably one of the best moments in my life so far. They've gone through so much together, whatever Shredder had put them through had strengthened their bond immensely. They needed each other, Raph needed Mikey as much as Mikey needed Raph. No matter how hard we tried, we could never know what those two were feeling, or what they had been through.

"April!" Mikey suddenly cried out in excitement and jumped over the couch using his hands and swiftly landed on both feet, running towards the red haired teen who was just entering the lair, carrying a large brown box. "Oh my… can I see, can I see?!" Mikey gasped with excitement and reached for the box. April laughed at Mikey's excitement and even Casey joined the other teen.

"Easy Mikey, let's put him down first" April giggled and held the box out of Mikey's reach, who whined playfully but didn't stop smiling himself. April walked over to the kitchen, or rather Mikey dragged her over to the kitchen. I quickly glanced at Casey before we both walked after the two teens. We quickly entered to kitchen to see the box already on top of the kitchen table and Mikey standing right beside it.

I frowned slightly as I looked at the box. There were holes on top of the box, almost like breathing holes and I couldn't help but to think what was in the box. I knew Mikey had some special present planned for Raph, but he wouldn't even tell me what it was. Apparently only April had the privilege of knowing what was in this special package. But I was pretty curious right now.

I inched a bit closer to the table as April reached for a kitchen knife and carefully cut open the top part of the box. She was careful with cutting the box open, trying not to go deep into the package so she wouldn't hurt or damage what was in it. Mikey let out a low squeal and reached for the package, opening it at the cut April had just made and stared into the box. Immediately a smile made its way on his face.

"What is it?" Casey frowned as he was unable to see what was actually in the box. Mikey grinned and stuck two hands inside the box and slowly lifted it out of the box. I blinked a few times at the sight of the small turtle in Mikey's hands. It wasn't a baby, that was clear, but he was very small. Mikey carefully placed the turtle on the table and lowered himself so he was looking directly at the turtles head.

The little turtle was obviously afraid, which wasn't weird figuring he had just been transported in a dark box all the way down the sewers and into a new environment. We were turtles ourselves so we knew, to a certain extent, what turtles did in these situations. And when we were younger we would often go into our shells when we were younger, just to protect ourselves, and that was exactly what this little guy, or girl, was doing right now.

Slowly the turtle's head started to poke out of the hole and Mikey gasped slightly, almost breaking his jaw by smiling at the young turtle. He, or she, looked around a bit confused with his bright eyes until they landed on Mikey and made a small moaning sound. Mikey immediately seemed to understand what the little turtle wanted and reached for his belt and pulling out some leaves. The same ones that Raph would feed Spike.

And then it clicked. This was Mikey's present for Raph, a new turtle, or rather a new Spike. And I didn't know if I should be feeling sad, or happy about this. It was incredibly sweet of Mikey to buy Raph a new turtle because we all knew how much he was missing Spike. But at the same time Spike's disappearance had been the whole reason of Mikey running away and getting kidnapped for the first time.

It was a month after Spike's mutation that Raph snapped at him. Nobody blamed Raph for snapping at him, and nobody held him responsible for everything Mikey had gone through but it was still something to remember. Spike's mutation was directly linked to Mikey's suffering, all the tortures he had suffered from at the hands of the Shredder, even if Spike, Slash, didn't know about it. And yet, despite all of that, I couldn't help but to smile at the small turtle, it wasn't a new Spike. It was a new pet turtle, a new beginning for all of us.

TMNT

"Well Raph, I have good new and good news" I smiled as I walked up to my immediate older brother. Raph was still in the same position, in the medical bed in the lab. This time whoever his bed was bent so he was sitting up slightly. He was still extremely tired all day but at the times he was fully awake he wanted to be part of the action as much as possible.

He was hooked up to different machinery since he was still fighting off the drug that had been in his system for weeks now, and it would probably take a few more weeks for it to be gone completely. Though he was fighting it and that was a good sign but it would take time for his body to completely get rid of it. He still wasn't up to leaving the lab, and I had to check on him every day to see he was improving and he wasn't having a relapse from the drugs or his wounds.

"And that is?" Raph pushed as he noticed I wasn't going to talk without him asking. The bedridden turtle was getting bored, he wasn't the one who mostly listened to his younger brother once he was sick or injured. He would mostly just ignore every sign until it got too bad, and they had to either strap him down, knock him out or wait until he was even unable to walk. And while this was one of those things that were too bad for him to handle, he was still voluntarily staying in bed.

Even Raph knew he almost died, and even he couldn't deny the fact that he could barely lift his arms just yet. He still had control over them, which was once again a good sign, but he still couldn't move them a lot because it would take too much of his energy at once. He could lift them up to eat for himself, he just couldn't lift up something too heavy, or pick something up from the table next to him. Which often caused him some embarrassing moments with either me, or someone else, for him at least because all of us were prepared to help him.

"Well your stitches are holding well, and I can take them out probably tomorrow or the day after tomorrow" I said with a smile and gestured to the stitches. Raph snorted slightly at the comment. He wouldn't really categorize that as 'good' news, even though he didn't say it out loud, I knew he was thinking it. While I was mostly positive about his wounds on his left arm, the hashtag like wound, he was mostly repulsed by them. It was clear he hated them deeply.

It was the same thing with Mikey and the slashes that nearly destroyed his left eye. Mikey hated them as much as Raph hated his own wounds. It would always be a reminder of what happened in those weeks of his life, and our lives. And every time I brought up those scars he would fall back into his old repulsive character, and he would never even look at them.

"Don't gimme that Raph" I huffed and sat down next to him. "I just thought you'd want to know. Anyways, the drug that is in your system is slowly fading. I'd say a week, or two weeks tops, and it'll be completely gone" I informed him, trying to take his mind off of the scars on his arm. While I knew he had to accept them once in his life, I also knew that if he wasn't ready for it just yet, I shouldn't press him too much.

"Really? And then I can finally get outta here?" He said, laughing softly, which sounded more like a short huff as a small smile appeared on his face. It wasn't a secret he hated being confined to a bed. He always wanted to do something, train, run around, and not only that, he hated being dependent on someone, or something. He hated asking for help, asking for someone to feed him or help him wash, or get cleaned.

"You'll still be a bit weak, but yes you'll be able to get out of here once the drug if fully out of your system" I explained to him and gave him a proud smile. Raph returned the smile, although it wasn't as big as mine was and wanted to say something else but was interrupted by another voice, and I cringed slightly.

"Raph, Raph!" Mikey ranted as he walked into the lab and I frowned as I saw what he was holding, a large box. I assumed it was the present Mikey had planned for Raph but actually seeing it made me even more confused. I had asked him multiple times over the last few days but no matter what, he wouldn't tell me what he was planning for him, not even April wanted to tell, not even small hint.

Mikey walked over to Raph's bed and sat down on the other side of the bed so I was sitting at the opposite side of him. Mikey placed the box on his own lap and took a few breaths. His smile fell slightly until nothing remained and he was starting to claw slightly at the box. Whatever he was giving was making him very nervous, and only that fact already made me want to see it badly. Leo walked up to Mikey and put a comfortable hand on Mikey's shoulder. The freckled turtle nodded towards his older brother before turning towards Raph.

"Uhm Raph… I don't really know where to start.. so I'll just .. uhm.." Mikey started unsure and scratched his neck slightly. "I know we've told you not to blame yourself, and I've told you I wasn't blaming you. But do you remember the reason … why I ran away that night?" My smile faded as quickly as that sentence left Mikey's mouth. And by judging the look on Raph's face, he remembered the night as much as I did. Raph swallowed heavily and nodded, too hurt and too confused to speak.

"I know how much you miss him Raphie.. Spike I mean. And I know you guys are cool again but I can see you still miss him. And now you're awake, and we're both getting a bit better.. I asked April to get this" Mikey continued, and it was clear he was growing a bit uncomfortable. "Though I chose which one I wanted" Mikey quickly added and opened the box on top his lap. He put two hands in the box and pulled out a small turtle.

The turtle excitedly looked around and let out a soft moan as he was placed on top of Raph's chest, that was still covered with a white blanket. Raph grew extremely quiet as he stared at the little turtle in front of him and I inched a bit closer. He wasn't a baby, you could tell by his matured features and by the red striped on the side of his head I could tell it was a red eared slider turtle but what confused me was his size.

Normal red eared sliders grew up to 8 inches, depending on their gender. But this one was visibly smaller than average red eared sliders, only coming close to approximately 6 inches give or take. A little smaller could be possible, but this was significantly smaller than normal.

"H-Hey little guy" Raph stuttered and I cringed slightly, those were the same words he said to Spike the day he got mutated but I smiled when Raph reached for him with a shaky hand and petted his shell softly. "Why is he so small?" Raph asked as he looked at the smaller frame of the turtle beneath him and looked up to his youngest brother.

"April said his previous owner dropped him when he was just a small little turtle, you see this crack?" Mikey said softly and trailed his thick finger along a huge crack on his back, slicing through his whole shell vertically, going from his head and downwards. "He was injured badly and he was brought back to the pet store. The owner couldn't get himself to kill him off but nobody wanted to sell him because he was already damaged" Mikey continued his story with a sad sigh.

"The crack caused severe damage to his spine and it badly affected his growth, including his desire to walk. Children didn't want him because he wasn't a baby anymore, and he mostly just sat still the whole day. Not to mention the crack. But I immediately liked him when April took me to the pet store. With disguise of course, and I almost knew for sure you'd like him too" Raph nodded in acknowledgement and continued with petting the small turtle on his shell.

"Does he have a name already?" Raph suddenly asked as he looked up to Mikey, who suddenly got his smile back again, seeing Raph liked his present but shook his head. Raph frowned slightly, appearing to be in thought before looking up to Mikey again. "I would be stupid to name him after you, wouldn't it?" He snickered and Mikey's cheeks seemed to split in two due to the huge smile on his face. A low chuckle escaped his throat and he shook his head.

"Sorry bro, as much as I know my name is beautiful, that would just be too confusing" He snickered and petted the head of the turtle softly, who seemed to like Mikey as he leaned into his touch slightly. Mikey smiled and looked at his older brother again. "… but thanks.. y'know, for willing to name him after me" He added after a few seconds. Raph snickered and reached out for Mikey, pulling on his right arm to get him onto the bed.

The pull was hardly a pull while there was barely any strength left in Raph's arm but Mikey took the hint and climbed on top of Raph's bed. Being careful for the small, and the yet to be named turtle as he sat down on the bed, right next to Raph's form and reached out for the small turtle, continuing to pat him. A high pitched 'hoot' sound came from the small turtle and he sat down on top of Raph's plastron, obviously okay with both Raph and Mikey.

"What are you thinking about Raph?" I asked with a laugh and crossed my arms. My immediate older brother had a small smile on his face as he trailed his eyes from Mikey to the smaller turtle beneath him. He looked at me briefly and our eyes connected for a split second before he disconnected them again, mindlessly running his finger along the crack on the shell.

"I was thinkin' about his name" Raph muttered and he glanced at Mikey again, obviously unsure about the name itself. "I was thinkin' about Dave. Y'know from Michelangelo's famous statue David." He continued and looked away a bit, and it was obvious he was waiting for Mikey's answer. A smile tugged at my corners and I saw that Leo was having the same reaction as I was having.

Ever since we found out we were named after Italian artists we wanted to know who they were, and what they did. What made us, or them, famous. It caused us a lot of trouble too. Leonardo and Michelangelo were the two most successful artists in the renaissance, leaving me and Raph out. But eventually convinced us that our name didn't matter, in the meaning of what we did with our lives. The fact that Leonardo and Michelangelo were better known didn't mean anything for us.

Point is, we were really interested in learning about the artists we were named after, so we all knew about the history of the artist. The most important statues, paintings and works. What they did, where they lived and those kind of things. And with that also the relation between them, which we often joked about when we were younger too. And it was just so adorable to see Raph suggesting a name that was based on one of Michelangelo's greatest work.

And Mikey seemed to have the same reaction as his grin kept plastered to his face. "I love it Raph, Dave it is" Mikey grinned and patted 'Dave's' head in response. "Hey Dave, welcome to the family little guy" He grinned and Dave let out another 'hoot' sound in response. Which caused us to laugh at the small turtle. A new beginning for all of us.

TMNT

Mikey could never do anything alone again. Nothing too big for that matter. He wasn't able to go topside anymore, he was simply too afraid to go. Even if he knew that Shredder was gone and that there were simply no threats out there for them, apart from the humans, he still couldn't get himself to go out alone. Yet too scared to do so.

He would never be able to face his nightmares alone. And that was the thing that shattered him from the inside out. No matter how much me and Donnie tried, we could never know what Mikey had been through, only Raph could and he had been in a coma. He wasn't ready to talk about it alone, and without Raph there was no one else he could share the experience with. So he kept it buried, and that ate him alive.

We couldn't believe how much Mikey had improved the last two weeks, sure they had been hard and Mikey still had those nightmares to remind him of that period, but with Raph finally being awake he had more courage to talk about what happened, to either Raph or Master Splinter. He spent hours talking about what happened to him the second time of his captured, crying his heart out as he relieved every painful memory.

Me and Don comforted him in any way possible and with every part Mikey dared to tell us, we began to understand more and more what Mikey had gone through. And slowly but surely Mikey returned to his former self. He still was plagued by horrible memories once in a while, and he wasn't ready to be alone just yet, but he was laughing more, playing more and he was even ready to join training with us again.

Raph slowly improved too, just as Mikey he was suffering from his own torture, even if he wouldn't admit it. It took him a while for him to admit, but around a week after he awoke Mikey continued to press Raph to talk about the things that happened to him, and he just snapped. Everything that had been bottled up for so long just came out with words, rage and tears. And it was like a heavy weight being lifted off his chest.

He talked about his failure in protecting Mikey, and the shame that he carried around with having the nightmares and the fright for the Shredder, even if he wasn't a threat anymore. The drug disappeared three weeks after Raph had woken up, just like Donnie had predicted and he was slowly regaining all of his strength. He was still very weak and tired very soon but Donnie had assured that Raph would get better in no time.

Donnie worked a lot to get Raph better, and tend to both Mikey's and Raph's wounds. Mikey's wounds were mere scars but he wanted an excuse to check on Mikey, just to make sure everything was going well. And even though Mikey saw through Donnie's lie, he didn't complain. Raph was another story, he still needed to heal his wounds, especially the one on his left arm. He hated it, resented it but it was something he had to learn to live with, just like Mikey had to live with his own scarred face.

And me, I was trying my best to keep my family together. I had no specific job really. Don was the doctor of the family, and tended to our wounds, Master Splinter mediated and talked with both Raph and Mikey. I had to be the best big brother I could be, and be there for my little brothers. I helped Raph with regaining his muscles, comforted Mikey and helped him with extra training when he needed to. But also help get through this stressful period.

Both Raph and Mikey changed a lot, both in a good and a bad way. The capture and the drugs meant that they both grew tense, loud noises could easily set them off and they had often nightmares which let them scared and confused. But at the same time they improved so much. Raph still had his temper but it was less this time, he grew more passive. Not a bad thing, but it was something getting used to.

Mikey, who had always been the child of the family had obviously grown out of that role. They had always shielded him from everything around him, and they had failed. But it wasn't a bad thing that they did. Of course the torture was horrible and neither of them wanted Mikey to endure something like that, but it also did something good. He learned how precious life actually is and started to take it more serious. He trained more and quickly surpassed his brothers though he was often forced to stop because it made Mikey remember him.

I couldn't say I wasn't jealous that Mikey was surpassing me, but I was also very happy. From the time we started training we all knew Mikey had the most raw talent, he only didn't utilize it. He couldn't focus and would rather play around instead of taking things seriously, something that he used to protect his mind with, instead of facing it. And seeing him finally using all the talent made me smile inwards.

He even asked me to mediate several times. I knew he was meditating with sensei but hearing he wanted to mediate on his own made me smile even more. And I also knew why he did it, it calmed his mind, allowed him to put his past behind, and move on with his life.

They were happy again, don't get me wrong, the scars never disappeared, the nightmares would never fully go away, they just learned to live with it. They were going to heal, but the scars would always be a painful reminder of what happened that faithful time, and the wounds left behind. Painful reminders of the damage done by the Shredder. And apart from the never healing wounds, that would always be painful when moved or touched the wrong way, we were a family once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TMNT
> 
> Aaand it's over *sniff sniff* Honestly, his was supposed to be a short epilogue, but soon turned into a very long chapter, like way larger than I intended to o.O Though I regret nothing!
> 
> But sadly, this story is officially over, after 8 months of writing both 'Like a dying flame' and 'Flames of Vengeance' it's actually over. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read this, and reviewed, favorited etc! So thank you!
> 
> THE END


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